Yes, I have enjoyed Mozambique—the people, the culture, the food, the lifestyle…but until earlier this week, I had felt wearier than at any other point on the Race. Our ministry isn’t particularly physically or mentally taxing; but spiritually, we have gone to battle on a daily basis. This month, we have been living with Pastor Eduardo and his family, going on house visits to pray for people, visiting different communities, and making appearances at several churches to preach/sing/share testimonies. As I’m sure many of you have heard, Africa is in a whole other league of spiritual warfare compared to the States: many people consult witchdoctors, manifestations of demonic presence are not out of the ordinary, and I believe that Christians here are much more aware of and trusting in the power of God. Even as a believer, it’s been humbling, stretching, and at times really difficult to serve and pray and sit through long (3-4 hours long) church services (most services have been really enjoyable for me, though, because more than half of the time we are dancing and singing).
My hardest day happened last Saturday.
One of our friends and translators, Armindo, had told us that at 7 AM on Saturday morning, he wanted a couple of us to go with him to pray for Katarina and her two sons, whom hadn’t been to church in a while and were falling further and further into alcoholism. Under the impression that it would be a 15-20 minute visit, Cherissa and I volunteered. Katarina had often come over to cook for us; the least we could do was pray for her and family. So at 7:15 AM—which can roughly be 7 AM, African time—the three of us walked to the house. When we got there, I felt good—ready to pray for my sister and her lost sons, ready to get back before 8 AM and start off my morning with hot bread and tea and a good read. We prayed for Katarina first, then her daughter whom we didn’t know she had, then her son, then her other son, and then her other son whom we didn’t know she had. To make a long story short, we ended up going to two other houses after Katarina’s that morning, which resulted in a 3.5-hour excursion and me feeling completely drained the rest of the day. At this point of the month, I had already grown weary in praying because I felt like I was constantly just saying the same thing over and over again, and to be honest, it was getting boring. And I began feeling guilty for having such selfish thoughts, but feeling like I was justified because I was so tired, and then feeling guilty again because I had plenty of time to rest during the days, but then again feeling justified in the fact that being spiritually tired is different than being physically tired, and then feeling guilty because I figured that if I was tired, how much more tired were our translators who were with us at all these house visits while having to speak in two or three different languages, and then realizing that I was being way too hard on myself and that God wasn’t asking me to be in the position I had placed myself in, and then feeling frustrated because I was once again falling victim to unnecessary expectations I was placing on myself…ahhhhhhhhh…
This is an excerpt from an email I had written that day:
“Sometimes I feel a lot better than others, but spiritual work is really taking a toll on me, and I believe that a lot of it has to do with Satan discouraging me from working for the Kingdom. So that, combined with just being tired, I am feeling worn out. It’s becoming more rare for me to feel really passionate in prayer and I feel like I’m just saying the same thing over and over again—which is true because so many people want healing and for their businesses to prosper and for protection over their families, etc. I just…I don’t know. I’m glad that this coming week is our last week of ministry, here. I don’t know if I just don’t like just praying for people and doing straight up evangelism or if I’m just tired of working at this 7-month point.”
But, now, on my last day in Mozambique, I can confidently say that I have persevered and fought well during my time here. I have no other explanation for my rejuvenation, except for God’s grace and promise of rest in His presence. Really—I had been wrestling with these kinds of thoughts, seeking support from my team, and praying for restoration. And then one day, I just…felt better.
“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers” (Galatians 6:9-10).
This passage has been my pep talk this month.
It has encouraged me to keep going. It reminds me that what we are doing is, in fact, good and it spurs me on the seize opportunities and never give up.
Now, we’re heading into Month 8. And I think I just got my second wind.
