Today is Saturday, March 9, 2013, and I am FINALLY at our base for the month in Bolivia.
My team left Lima, Peru on a bus, Wednesday morning at 10:30 AM; we arrived at our destination (Santa Cruz) at 8 PM, last night. We were on buses for almost 60 hours straight, my friends! Between switching buses twice, not showering during those 60 hours (I don’t remember the last time I could smell myself so much), crossing the border (I would like to avoid crossing the Peru-Bolivia border for the remainder of my life, if possible) and constantly keeping at least one eye on our belongings (some people on our squad had Apple products stolen—out of zipped-up bags and swiped out of their hands—over the course of the journey), I cannot tell you how relieved I am to be here*.
But amidst an eventful, yet simultaneously monotonous day (weird, right?), I had what I like to call a “moment of awareness.”
moment of awareness noun. an indefinitely brief period of time in which one becomes conscious of his/her present situation
I’ve had these sporadically throughout the past couple months—Oh my gosh, it’s raining in the Amazon rainforest! Oh, man, I can’t believe I’m digging a big hole in PERU! Wow…this little girl who’s climbing on my back might not get dinner tonight…
But this time, I had an afterthought. This time led me to think, “I can’t go back.” I can’t go back to my old view of the world. I can’t go back to the dreams and ideals I had of my future in America. I can’t go back to just wanting to go to grad school, get a job, get married, have a family, and help people from the comforts of my decent life. I just can’t do it!
This particular moment of awareness hit me when we were watching the movie The Impossible while riding from Lima to La Paz, Bolivia. The Impossible is based on a true story about one family’s experience during the 2004 Indian Ocean tsunami in Thailand. People lost their families, their homes, their limbs, their livelihoods, their hope…this is real life. And you know what else is real life? The aged women with their alpaca wool blankets, black braided pigtails, and bowler hats walking along the road, carrying loads of who-knows-what on their backs in 90º-no breeze weather, probably to sell food for a couple bolivianos (equivalent to $0.29) just to survive.
And there I was on an air-conditioned bus, just watching. Watching a movie, looking out a window, what difference is there? It’s life. These things are actually happening. Now, this is not a guilt trip. In fact, for maybe the first time in my life I am certain that this is not a guilt trip. There is nothing wrong with all those things that I wanted from life back in the States, and in no way am I condemning anyone for already having or working towards those things. What I’m saying is that I can’t go back. Something (my gut, my conscience, that still small voice…whatever you prefer to call it—I call ‘it’ the Holy Spirit) has been gradually opening my eyes to this life that I am being called to step into. I’m not 100% sure what that is, yet, but I can tell you with confidence that it’s not going to be easy and it probably won’t make sense to a lot of people…but it’s going to be SO good.
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose…” (Romans 8:28).
“Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails” (Proverbs 19:21).
And it’s only Month 3, people! It’s only Month 3…
*Here is YWAM Bolivia. YWAM stands for Youth with a Mission. In the broadest sense, it’s a discipleship program, where students learn more about what it means and looks like to follow Jesus, and they are given opportunities to put that into practice through serving in different fields of ministries. As far as I know, we will be helping them with construction/painting of the base and also helping out at an orphanage for babies with special needs.
