Lately I've been burdened and frustrated with the annoyance and grievance of my past pains; the scars that were cut to the bone. I look at the past 5 months that have flown by and am amazed at the change I've seen in myself. However I look ahead and fight with all I have to keep from being sullen. The road looks long and dreary…
My heart is feeling heavy tonight as I write this blog. Why? Because this Christian life I lead isn't pretty and definitely isn't easy! Don't get me wrong I wouldn't trade it for the world, because I've had the world and there is truly no comparison!
My heart is heavy because I see who I want to be and see what it will take to get there. I'm up for the challenge, but as I walk in this journey with God I honestly find myself having what Jesus would call "righteous anger". I am so angry at the hurts and pains that I am having to deal with and go through. I'm not angry at the people who have been the vessels that placed them on me (including myself), rather I'm angry at the devil for putting them in my life!
As angry as I am I find it good as it gives me a passionate hope for God and what He's doing in my life. He's changing me and giving me a second chance. He's giving me a chance to work through my crap and process the pain I've been dealt in a healthy way and through it He's healing those pains.
The truth is my life isn't glamorous. I'm a missionary who lives life day by day and allows God to speak into him. I mess up and am forgiven just like everyone else. I'm no different from any other Christian on this earth. I have a passion for Christ and that passion runs deep.
Yes, tonight my heart is heavy, but joy comes in the morning because His mercies are new each day!
