I’m not sure how to explain today’s events. All I know is that our activities came together to make something quite unforgettable. If you’re looking to have a day as spectacular as this, this is what you need to do:
- Wake up before dawn and scarf down deliciously sweet cereal (chocolate-filled crispy squares)
- Put on only (and freshly-washed) sweatshirt and leave with group of people who rock your socks off
- Ride down road toward imaginary border between Moldova and Transnistria in van running on gas fumes
- When gas runs out, get out and push van down hill so driver can jump-start so van can make it to gas station
- Cross said imaginary border into Transnistria
- Arrive at 16th century fortress/former Soviet Union missile site/present-day Transnistrian military base for tour
- Become first American to lift 80 kg (~180 lb) cannon ball artifact
- Leave said fortress to accompany contact and contact’s wife and son to doctor visit at government hospital
- Use side-by-side toilet with teammate, using scrap computer paper for TP (do not judge author of step-by-step guide)
- Pass out fliers at local colleges advertising English classes you will teach next week to introduce Campus Crusade organization to students
- Find puppy
- Temporarily adopt said puppy (name her Stephanie)
- Meet family friend of contact who will introduce you to government official who will then approve idea of rock-your-socks-off group discussing such habits as drugs, alcohol and sex to Transnistrian schools over next week
- Get officially “hooked up” with Transnistrian connections and receive blessing to become not only World Race team but also D.A.R.E. International
- Upon conclusion of meeting, realize that this official is actually equivalent of what home country would consider to be vice president of the imaginary, yet apparently legitimate country
- Leave meeting and go with family friend to pick up 16 year-old son from school to be “a good influence” over lunch
- Be given “first American I’ve ever met” title from group of kids leaving said school
- Go with family friend, son and their friend from church to get pizza and impose said “good influence” on son
- Bid ado to family friend and depart for home church
- Successfully smuggle Stephanie the Puppy across border into Moldova
- Arrive at home church and spend time playing with puppy, including but not limited to making braided collar and chew toy out of brightly colored shoe string
- Observe Stephanie make her first “pee-pee” and shout for joy that it was outside and not all over your (or teammate’s) mattress, clothes or travel pack
- Begin preparation of meal originally inspired by beloved father (will start out as burrito but turn into enchilada casserole due to paper-thin foreign tortillas)
- Devour said enchilada casserole while spending more valuable time with rock-your-socks-off group discussing first week of friendship with each other four months ago
- Write day’s events out in step-by-step guide, making OCD-sure there are exactly 25 and not 24 (be willing to make up extra step if necessary)
Any questions?
