Have you ever heard anyone tell you a story about something that completely changed their life spiritually? There isn’t really a way to group these stories besides saying that something not of this earth happens and totally rocks a person.
I have heard a few stories like this. The one that really sticks out to me in my mind is a story that my amazing ex-fiancee told me. Tara (my ex-fiancee) once told me that she had an encounter with God one day while she was praying. She felt a hand on her shoulder and when she turned to look, there was no one near her. Since that day she was a different person.
To be honest when Tara first told me this, I thought that she probably just made it up or something. You know…sometimes I get this fuzzy feeling inside me when I worship and I could see how you could just kind of make that up. It just doesnt seem normal to me that God would actually touch her on the shoulder. It just doesn’t seem like something of this world. And I am now convinced that it wasn’t. In that moment when Tara felt that hand on her shoulder, God became personal to Tara. He became more than just a belief. He became more than just a fuzzy feeling during a worship song. He became more than something we talk about at church. He became real. He reached out and touched her, and forever changed her life.
I always wondered if something like this would happen to me. I wanted it to happen so badly, but it was just something that never happened. This made me a little hesitant to believe that God can actually be personal and come and touch our lives.
Until the other day when my world was completely rocked.
This last week, I have been part of the “serve team” and I have been doing a lot of behind the scenes things to get things ready for some other World Racers as they go through the training that I went through in April.
So we spent a couple days out in this state park camping. There were a few different activities going on. One of of the activities involved a bridge. It was to be symbolic of us crossing over into a new way of life and leaving some bad habits or anything that was hindering us and keeping us from where God wants us to go.
Once we decided what to leave behind, we were going to burn the bridge so that we wouldnt be allowed to go back, even if we wanted to. This was going to release us from what ever was holding us back from God. So that we could start a new journey with God and not ever be able to go back down that road again.
I did this last April, so I wasnt really paying to close of attention…plus I was a little distracted because I was asked to be one of the guys to play with and build this massive fire.
I was throwing wood on the fire when Mark, a fellow World Racer and amazing leader, spoke to our group about what he left behind on the other side of the bridge in April. Mark wasnt supposed to speak and so I was curoius what he was going to say. So I stopped and listened.
Mark told the group about last April when they asked him to be a leader. He was very nervous and unsure if he was able to be a good leader. He went on to tell about how he felt and how he left that behind that night we burned our bridge. He then went on to tell us about how he hasn’t felt like that since then because he decided to leave that behind.
This really appealed to me for one big reason. For those of you that dont know, I was asked to be a leader of one of the four september World Race teams. And I found myself in that same boat. I am also so unsure of myself. I dont know what it means to be a leader. I was also a very scared. Throw that on top of the fact that, I am just Kyle Crimi, a sinner that doesnt have a clue what it means to love and live like Jesus…and now you know why I was a little nervous.
I took what Mark said to heart. I thought about it as I was piling wood on this fire so that we would have a big enough fire to burn this bridge to the point where it would break. I decided to leave that fear of failure, the fear of not being able to lead, the fear of making a mistake, and any othere fears that came with this and I was going to leave them on one side of the bridge and I was going to walk to the other side and wait for the bridge to burn through so that I would be sure that there was no going back.
We all sat and worshiped, prayed, watched, and waited.
I was sitting on the side talking with Ben, the leader of training. We were looking at how much of the bridge was left to burn and then looking at the amount of wood that we had left to try to burn this bridge and we started to get a little nervous. We made the comment that we didn’t think it was going to break.
So we waited and when the time was right we threw on the last batch of wood. We even tried to drop heavy logs across the bridge hoping that it might help break the bridge.
And we waited…
As I watched, I noticed the fire starting to burn down to the point where our bridge was barely being reached by the fire burning below it. I noticed Ben grab the ax just in case he has to go chop the bridge if it didnt break through.
For the record, I want you guys to know that I really struggle with trying to fix things on my own. I try to take matters into my own hands to fix things. The first thing that goes through my head is seldom to go to god for direction and for Him to intervene and take care of things. For some reason, this night, I realized that I just can’t do it on my own and that I needed God to intervene to help me get through this. So I closed my eyes and started praying.
It might sound silly…but I prayed that we wouldn’t have to try to use our own power and strength to break the bridge. I am so tired of trying to do it on my own. I wanted God to come down and break that bridge.
I opened my eyes a few minutes later. I noticed that the fire had grown and was up around the bridge again. So I started to pray some more.
This time I selfishly prayed that God would come burn the bridge so that I wouldnt be able to go back to old ways…old ways of being afraid and unsure. I poured my heart out to God.
I opened my eyes again this time to see the bridge starting to bend down.
I closed my eyes and started to pray again. This time, I prayed so that this bridge would burn so that everyone there that night would be free from whatever was holding them back. I wanted us all to be set free from what had us bound.
I opened my eyes a little bit later to see the fire still burning this bridge…this time the bridge was sagging a little more, but I still noticed Ben in the background with the ax.
I closed my eyes and prayed more. This time that God would come break this bridge so that no one would be able to go back. I started praying out loud even, which is something that I really struggle with. While I was praying, I started to get many thoughts in my head; thoughts like “People are watching you, You look stupid, People can hear you, People think you are weird, Stop praying out loud.”
Then I said out loud, “I don’t care anymore.” The second I said that, I heard a snap followed by someone saying, “The bridge just broke!”
I opened my eyes and looked. The bridge had burned through and we did try to use our own strength to break it. I immediately felt at peace and I started to cry.
You guys, this was a wow moment for me. I submitted to God, and He did something to show me that He cares about me and that He is going to help me get over me struggles.
You guys, this is my God. My God is personal. This is the God that I believe in. This is the God that I give my life to. My God loves me so much that He would take a moment that was changing the lives of others, and make it personal for me.
