My life is crazy right now.
I have so much going on and coming up that I feel like my life is going in turbo speed.
Lately, all I can think about is what is coming up.
I have been thinking about all the deadlines I have to meet with my grad school work.
I am excited about finishing up my student teaching yet dreading that last day.
I am sad because I don’t want it to end.
I absolutely love the kids I work with.
They make me so happy.
After that, I am meeting up with a few world racers over Memorial Day weekend out in New York/Delaware.
I am trying to figure out what that is going to look like and what I need to pack for that trip.
Then I am coming back to start training for the summer camp that I am working at this summer.
I will be working with a bunch of kids in the Twin Cities and I will be trying to share Jesus with them and playing sports with them.
How awesome is that!!
Shortly after that, I am going on my annual fishing trip with my dad and crew.
I keep thinking about how I am going to catch all of these fish.
I think about how I am going to whoop up on them in our fishing contest.
I keep thinking about reeling in this 45 inch monster.
I keep thinking about the beauty of being up there and how much I see God in nature.
I keep thinking about all the things I need to do to get ready for that adventure.
Then I have a mission trip in July to El Salvador with the Upper Room again.
I am excited to see Enoc, my sponsor child.
I am excited to meet all of the people that I am going with.
I am excited to love the people that I am going to meet there.
I am excited to see Jesus in the people from El Salvador.
My major concern for this trip right now is how in the world I am going to pay for.
Then I think about getting ready for the World Race.
I honestly don’t know where to start.
This trip is going to rock my world.
Am I ready for it?
What do I need to do to be ready for it?
What does it mean to love people unconditionally?
How do I unconditionally love a homeless guy, an orphan, a leper, a drug addict, a wife beater, the owner of sex slaves, a lady with AIDS, my teammates, etc…?
Who is on my team?
Where am I going? How am I going to raise the money for the trip?
Am I going to even come back alive?
Am I going to come back at all?
I have so many questions and thoughts going through my head about this trip, but I know God will prepare me for all the things that are coming up.
I feel like I have a mile long checklist of things I need to do to be ready for each of them.
I have all of this stuff coming up and I am just so focused on what I need to get done.
In between all of that, there are times when I still think about my past.
For those of you that don’t know me very well, I dated an amazing girl, Tara, for about seven years.
We were engaged for about 8 months before breaking up last August.
We still talk and I feel that we get along pretty well.
We still talk from time to time and sometimes we get together for dinner just to catch up.
She was such a huge part of my life and I am so thankful for every minute I spent with her.
There is still a huge part of me that loves her so much and there is still this huge “what if” in the back of my mind.
But I know that right now God doesn’t want us together, so I am not trying to try to force that relationship.
Does he ever want us to be back together?
I don’t know.
I just want to see where he takes me right now…and either way it goes, I am ok with it.
But this thought of my past still comes up from time to time.
The other day I was reading a book, “The Ragamuffin Gospel” by Brennan Manning.
I bought it a few months back when I heard some people talking about it at church.
But instead of getting the normal version, I picked up the “Visual Edition.”
I have to admit, it does have some pretty sweet pictures.
It is totally a picture book for adults in a way.
Anywho…I was reading this book when I came across a really good story that spoke to my heart.
I would like to share this story with you.
I am going to tell you my version of this story….
Try to picture a monk running for his life.
Why?
There is a vicious tiger chasing after him.
This tiger is hungry and this monk knows that if he doesn’t get away, he is going to be lunch.
So this monk is booking it through the woods when he sees this clearing up ahead.
The monk kicks it into high gear.
As he reaches the edge of the woods he notices that this clearing is more than just a clearing, it is the edge of a cliff.
So he stops.
He turns and looks back to see the tiger getting ready to pounce on him.
He then glances back toward the cliff and notices a rope dangling down over the edge of the cliff.
So he bolts towards the rope and starts to climb down the rope just barely out of the reach of the tiger’s claws.
As he hangs onto the rope, he looks down and realizes that this rope doesn’t go to the bottom.
He has about a 500 foot drop to the rocks below.
He looks up to a face full of tiger saliva hitting him in the face.
As he wipes the saliva out of his eyes, he notices two mice that start chewing on the rope up near the top.
Sucky situation right?
Just then, the monk looks to the side and sees a beautiful strawberry within arms reach growing out of the face of the cliff.
He reaches over, picks it, and pops it in his mouth.
He chews it up, swallows it, and says to himself, “Yummy, that might be the best strawberry that I have ever had in my life.”
If the monk had been more focused on the tiger (his past) or the rocks below (the future), he would have missed the amazing strawberry that God put there for him in that moment.
Since I read this story, I have been asking myself…
Am I so focused on the relationship I had with Tara that I am walking by relationships that God wants me to have today?
Am I so focused on my deadlines for school that I am missing the meaning behind the assignments?
Am I so focused on my last day of student teaching that I am missing the moments that God is giving me with my kids today?
Am I so focused on sharing God with kids this summer that I don’t notice the people I am supposed to share Him with today?
Am I so focused on the beautiful things I am going to see when I get to Canada that I miss the beautiful things God puts in my life today?
Am I so focused on helping people when I get to El Salvador that I forget to help my people right here today?
Am I so focused on loving an orphans in Africa that I am walking by someone else that I am supposed to love today?
Right now…I am…and I don’t like it…I am missing the strawberries that are here now.
I want to share a few verses I have been thinking about…
…troubles in the past—Job 11:16—
You will surely forget your trouble, recalling it only as waters gone by.
…making your own plans—Proverbs 19:21—
People can make all kinds of plans, but only the Lords plan will happen.
…
what you should focus on today—Deuteronomy 30:16—
For I command you
TODAY to love the Lord your God, to walk in His ways, and to keep His commands, decrees and laws…and the Lord your God will bless you…
God be with me. Help me forget my troubles. Help me let go of my own plans and listen to Your voice. I want to live my life for You. Help me stay focused on You and nothing else. Keep me focused on what You are doing in and through me today. I pray that You would help me see the strawberries that You are blessing me with today.
