Coming on the race I knew that I would grow and it would be amazing but I didn’t even have a fraction of a clue as to how much. It’s only month 2 and I have concurred many of my fears. Not just fears on the field but fears and struggles that I pushed away and pretended did not exist.
My two biggest fears of happening on the race have already come into fruition. I was scared of being sick and how I’d handle that. I handled it and am back to full health. It wasn’t the best experience but one that if needed I could handle again. My other fear was having my tent flood, which it did last night. I had a soaked sleeping bag, sleeping pad and tent floor. I then had a conversation with God and here it follows…
ME: Really God both my fears within the first 2 months of the race?
God: I need you to trust me, completely and you don’t.
Me: I’m trying God but I like the control
God: I have complete control you just choose to believe that you do.
Me: Hmm… you have a point. I surrender I’m done
God: Good remember you are my daughter and I will always take care of you. You will never want of anything. I am always there and handling things.
So comes me continuing to learn to surrender. To not fear because my God is big enough.To not fear that he is not strong enough. I don’t want pity but just realization of what’s going on here. I’m not scared of the demons that we’ve encountered or sleeping in a tent or cold showers or not doing a good job. I know no fear of them but I had fears of my God providing and he will. The last $4,500 will come in some how someway. I’ll survive the race. Heck I’ll survive life.
