I sat across the table from my squad leader, listening to worship music and asking Jesus questions about cancer. I asked Jesus why cancer has to exist, and why cancer had to win with the life of one of my supporters. I had tear in my eyes when the answers didn’t come with the responses I want.
I read a message from one of her daughters on facebook yesterday that made me wonder just how much longer that Ms. Mel would be on earth. I knew that cancer was an ugly beast, and that she would likely pass into eternal life in the next few weeks. I didn’t want to face that reality; I didn’t want to know that the party that I want to have with my supporters at the end of the race would be missing a face that would have been a treasured reunion. I didn’t want to have to share Ms. Mel with heaven. I wanted her on this side of eternity for long enough for me to get to hug her and tell her stories of these places that just can’t be communicated as well via internet. I wanted to share pictures, treasures, memories and a meal.
Instead, Ms. Mel passed into the arms of Jesus. The reunion she is having is a reunion with the one who can heal, but He chose to heal Ms. Mel with a heavenly body. He chose to bring her to heaven instead of giving her a healed body on earth. He chose to share the heavenly feast with her instead of letting us have a meal together on earth.
I begged God to heal Ms. Mel. I asked God on my face in Ecuador, Peru, Bolivia, Chile, India, Nepal, and Malaysia. I asked over and over, begging God to bring healing to her earthly body. I don’t think that says anything about God; but I think it says something about her. Ms. Mel lived a life worth living; Ms. Mel loved people so incredibly well, and I got the privilege of knowing her in her last days on planet earth. I got the privilege of messages that gave me hope when I had lost my own.
I am better because of the person she was; I am shaped by her intimate love of her Savior that reflected to the people around her. I am thankful that I had these moments. I am thankful for good things, because good things make goodbyes hard.
Saying goodbye reminds me that I should tell the people around me I love them. Saying goodbye from Thailand reminds me of what Jesus asked me to do, and the incredible blessing it is to share this journey with the people around me. It reminds me that this journey is one that requires sacrifice, and today, that means missing a sweet goodbye on this side of heaven and only being able to anticipate the day where we are reunited.
Rest in Peace, Ms. Melanie. Fly High.
