He looked up to get my attention, and I was looking the other way. He uttered the word “Momma” and it captured my attention.
You see, I told myself for so long that I didn’t want to have kids. I didn’t want to give birth to a child when the need around the world for people to adopt was so much. I didn’t want to bring a child into the world that already had hurt me, to bring them into the pain that this life gives us. I didn’t want to adopt until I was ready, that is, some age greater than I am now. I read something on social media the other day that named it an “adultier adult”.
But when He called me “Momma” something changed. I realized in that moment that God asked me to adopt. The God of the Universe will one day give me the charge of mothering one (or more) of the precious children that are in this world, possibly right now.
My teammate had mentioned it early this month and it has stuck with me all month “You’re going to make an amazing mom some day.” I had gotten the idea in my head that I might not ever get the chance to be a mom. I had convinced myself that I didn’t want children of my own. I had believed some sort of lie that I didn’t want children.
Then, the scene changes. I’m in Sg. Petani, Malaysia, and I’m sitting on the couch when Peter utters the word “Momma”. It literally took my breath away. He wasn’t but a few inches away, but when those words came out of the mouth of a child, one who doesn’t speak but 10 words total, it startled me.
It reminded me of a call on my life that will one day totally change how I look at the world. I reminded me of the call God has for me one day in the future, to pursue what it looks like to look more like Him by learning to love his people, the ones that He will one day, let me call my own.
For now, I’ll just love the ones that are in front of me. I love on Peter and James tomorrow because that’s what He asked to me do. I believe with all my heart the God trusts us first with small things before bigger things.
