I have found myself lonely in this season of life. Working full time, going to school full time, and trying to get clinicals done before they are overdue makes for a schedule that makes me long for intimate friendship. I think some of my fear stems from a life long struggle to make friends, and a life living in a world where it seems that most people do little more than tolerate others. Below you will find a little something I wrote. I’m hopeful it helps others.
She Fears
This is a legitimate fear for her, especially for the World Race. She fears that people won’t love her for who she is, don’t want to take the time to see past the surface level girl. That one? She’s outgoing, friendly, and doesn’t know a stranger, but every conversation doesn’t make it past things like the weather, daily activity, or a shared task. She might seem to be the one who has no fears, doesn’t care what people think, and will do just about anything.
But that’s not all she is. Why? She’s insecure. She uses the surface to cover up the insecurity. She secretly questions everything, and doesn’t know if she will ever find people that will more than tolerate her. She has struggled with this thought for years, literally. The more she lives, the more she realizes that most people in this world just tolerate others that they don’t like, herself included. And that fear has lost her relationships, friendships, and probably many other things.
But what if she doesn’t allow the insecurity to define her?
She leads.
She serves.
She has an intimate, trusting relationship with Jesus.
She prays the kind of prayers that shake hell.
She is a friend of many.
She can strike up a meaningful conversation with anyone.
She has a gift of languages.
She’s tenderhearted, passionate, and a lover of life.
She’s an encourager.
She has a gift of navigating, especially airports.
She’s calm and confident amidst chaos.
She can handle just about anything that comes her way.
And this girl is the one that I want to leave the race being.
As I begin the race (and I believe that getting ready is a part of the process), I am praying that Jesus is going to wreck my heart and provide me with friendships. I want to break the insecurity that specifically rides on my relationships, and make some life-long friends. I want some friends that I can laugh with, cry with, work with, and live with (24/7 I might add!) who don’t tolerate me. They push me to be better, and help me face my fears.
Til it ends,
Kristy
