Abandonment.
I see myself standing on a hillside. Spinning. Spinning. Arms open wide. Releasing the abounding delights of heaven upon all of the world around me. It’s a perpetual motion. One that rotates and does not stop. More than that, it shouldn’t stop.
Release.
With all of the power and authority bestowed upon me by the Holy Spirit, I throw handfuls of the Spirit upon the city below. It whirls down with power, with might, with force. JESUS. (This was a picture that I saw as I was praying, asking the Lord for what He wanted for the month.)
“My goal is God Himself, not joy nor peace, nor even blessing, but Himself, my God.”
(My Utmost for His Highest – July 12th)
I wrote this as a journal entry one morning, waking up in our yurt in the countryside of Mongolia. God has been speaking to me so much about my identity as the daughter of the Most High. He has been revealing so much more of His character to me, while also opening my eyes to the power and the presence of the Holy Spirit. Even though I’ve had a relationship with Jesus since I was a child, I feel like I was blinded to most of this growing up. I was blinded by what was “normal” and was limited to what I heard and what I could see with my own eyes. Hebrews 11 declares that faith reverses that… and I think that abandonment is the first step.
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I know that many people are skeptical about abusing the Holy Spirit or approaching the spiritual realm in an unbiblical way – I completely agree. I believe discernment is important… so important in fact. I’ve also come to believe that sometimes skepticism and ignorance run more rampant than faith. Often times, the fear that comes when we get too close to the edge – it’s really a disguise for the chains we link onto ourselves, the prison doors that we slam shut right in front of our faces. The truth is –
THERE IS MORE.
What if the edge was just the beginning? The beginning to an adventure that few get to experience – few Christians even get to experience.
We will NEVER BE THE SAME.
That type of statement scares people. The concept of not being the person you used to be. The thing is, people rarely undergo that process of total transformation. When looking at my own experiences, I think that being on the World Race does lend special circumstances by far. Being on the Race speeds up the process. Time is seen in a different light. More than anything, I can’t NOT change. I can’t NOT notice the new me coming about.
Can you feel it? CAN YOU FEEL IT?
That’s something I’m learning – if I truly love God, in the purest sense. If I seek after Him in the only way that He deserves: as the Maker of Heaven, the Redeemer, the Almighty Father, Comforter, Protector, I AM – nothing short of my whole heart should be offered to Him.
“When you love me, Kristy, YOU CAN’T NOT CHANGE.”
Those were the words He spoke directly to me.
I think that’s where this new hunger comes about. In this place of Abandonment. To the skeptical, it looks like a weed spreading. “That’s not normal. I’ve never seen that before.” No. Don’t get stuck in the skepticism. Stop putting God in a box. Use discernment, yes. Bring your questions before the Lord, yes, but then you need to actually listen to His truth. He is always worth the wait. When I write this statement, that “God, you are worth more than all else.” That’s a declaration. To be honest, I’m still working through the words to truly find the deepest meaning behind it all. It might take a lifetime to figure it out.
Challenge accepted.
Because He IS worth it.
With all that said, the next steps of my faith journey with Christ include processing through abandonment and what that would look like after the Race. Every fake idea that has come into my mind has proven itself to be just that – fake. Technically they might be fine, but I want more than fine.
I want a love story that doesn’t make sense, that never grows old, that can be told over and over, drawing me deeper and deeper into eternity. Eternity is not a distant concept for the future. Eternity is now. Eternity is knowing God and Jesus Christ (John 17:3). How do we know someone but to take time with them? Once again, I come back to my original thought: It will take a lifetime to know God and know Jesus. Thank you for this privilege as a daughter of the Most High. Thank you for giving me the chance to know you more, to seek after your heart, for my desires to be broken down until they are truly desires of the Father.
THE WHOLE WORLD IS ABOUT TO CHANGE.
