All of my life I have sought after success and stability. I struggled so intently to follow this equation to eventually reach happiness through the American Dream. I have found that everything I previously sought after and desired— that’s not what I want anymore. I’ve been learning that God is worth more than all of it, and now it’s time for me to move…
God has really placed the word more on my heart in the past year. It’s the idea that any dreams I have, any expectations, any preformed thoughts of things in life being good—it doesn’t stop there. His vision is more than anything I could ever dream of.
Long-term missions were always something that I admired deeply. To tell you the truth, I never dreamed I could/would go on one though. I never believed that I would ever be capable, strong enough, confident enough. But God had different plans for me: God began breaking apart the lies that told me that “I could never be that person.” He showed me how HE alone was taking me—without making me into someone else—but taking me, Kristy Ballengee, transforming me one step at a time, molding me into a new creation in His hands. He was changing my heart in ways I didn’t fully understand yet. I recognized that I had the desire to go and truly step out anywhere God wanted to take me. The joy I had experienced in Jesus was something I couldn’t contain anymore. Confidence. Stretch. Trust. More. I began praying over a year ago for that very opportunity. To be pushed outside my comfort zone, to be able to serve and make sacrifices, to find my passion. I knew I didn’t want to choose it on my own and committed to wait until the Lord revealed something to me when I was truly ready. I still needed to learn patience and grow.
{God is not in a hurry. His timeline is different than mine. We don’t always know what we need. We need to let God shape our character, which we will not always love. In the meantime, waiting is a struggle. Waiting is painful… but waiting is not wasting. Waiting is preparing. Waiting is obeying. Waiting is “I’m ready for the next thing from God,” but God must work in us before he can work through us. He cares more about who you are becoming than anything you will ever do for Him.}
During my waiting time, my heart began to break and build back up in so many areas, leaving me with a:
- Heart for People
- Heart for the Unnoticed
- Heart for the Broken
- Heart for Culture
- Heart of Contentment
- Heart for Sharing
When I finally came to a place where I no longer cared where I went or when, that sacrifice was not something to struggle with but a gift, where I recognized this whole life is not my own—that’s when God gave me clarity. A close friend of mine, who I was sharing my journey with daily, sent me a link one random night for a year long program/missions trip. I saw it and I knew it wasn’t exactly what I was looking for, but I did recognize an important thing that I would need to be going on a year long trip: Community… going with young adults who I could relate to and connect with. I finally felt led to simply type in “Young adults Christian Missions trip” into the search bar. The World Race was the first thing that popped up. It is first and only thing I’ve researched. When I first looked at their website, my heart instantly melted and it completely blew me away. Breaking free from a 9-5 routine, being called outside your comfort zone in every sense, wanting to see our world changed through God’s love…service, discipleship, and faith…all for the Kingdom. After reading the blogs and watching videos and testimonies, I knew there was something so special and so unique happening. Could I ever be a part of something like this?
I was overwhelmed with emotions, not realizing a trip like this existed. But I also recognized what I was feeling and knew I couldn’t simply get caught up in the excitement. I kept it to myself and prayed over this for a week. During that time, God completely opened my eyes to every way he wanted to use The World Race in my life and me in this trip as well.
- To usher me into adulthood.
- To push me outside my comfort zones.
- To challenge me physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually.
- To figure out my strengths, which I have questioned for most of my life.
- To learn from other cultures and peoples.
- To have the opportunity to experience 11 avenues of love and service, with the intent of finding out what I want to pursue the rest of my life.
- To BREAK ME from the lies of the Enemy, my fears, and my reservations.
- To BREAK ME from my materialism.
- To BREAK ME from caring about what others might or might not think of me.
- To BREAK ME from building my own kingdom instead of His.
- To trust in His provisions.
- To recognize the URGENCY.
- To CARE ENOUGH to give up my own cares and be able to love and experience LOVE like never before.
This opportunity was everything that I have been praying for and so much MORE.
And so I go.
