I’ve been an Adventures Fellow for about a month now. I haven’t done a ton, but I’ve done a few things; I haven’t seen all there is to see, but I’ve gotten a glimpse into something; and I haven’t learned all that God plans to teach me, but I know more than I did when I started. On all fronts, I’d say that it feels pretty good to be here in Gainesville, GA; but, there is this one minor issue …
I DON’T BELONG HERE!
Ok, now that I’ve gotten through the dramatic effects let me explain myself. If you look at who I am on paper, it doesn’t make any sense for me to participate in an Adventures In Missions professional development program or to turn down opportunities to work in their IT Department in pursuit of engaging more with the ladies in their Center for Global Action (CGA) program.
If you need proof, I can give you several reasons why I am making a mistake by staying here; but, for times sake I’ll only list five:
- I’m too old to be starting over – What have I done by traveling the world with a bunch of 20-somethings? At this point in life I should stick to perfecting the skills that I’ve already developed, not trying to learn something new. I should be starting a family, or at least be more concerned about the well-being of my future kids, instead of giving up everything that I worked hard for. Don’t I realize that the phrase “30 is the new 20” is only a song?! Just because I sing it doesn’t make it true!!
- I should be working with computers – Someone recently asked me why did I go to school for Engineering if I didn’t really like it … I have no good answer for that. Maybe it was because of I liked math. Maybe it was because of the money. Maybe it was because my parent’s liked that decision. I can’t say why I chose the education and career path that I did; but I did, and I was good at it. I was successful. I had arrived. I was climbing the corporate ladder as a technology consultant . And now, the mere mention of getting me involved in the technology space is daunting. All I want to do is run far from it. Apparently, that doesn’t make any sense in the real world.
- I’m not creative – Now we’re getting to the good stuff, my passion. My passion and ultimate desire is to bring hope & freedom to a generation of young woman through the creative arts. Sure I love dancing, but I’m no pro and have no real formal education in that area. When it comes to drawing, I’m limited to sticks and circles. I don’t play any instruments and I may very well be legally tone deaf. My mind doesn’t operate well in the creative realm – I just don’t think like that. Why on earth would I make the leap from a life of very structured 1’s & 0’s into a life that has no rules? A life where anything is possible.
- I’m not relatable – I long to do life with girls who are broken and feel hopeless. I want to help them find freedom and live out the story that God wrote for them. I want to be there as a role model and mentor. But how am I gonna do that if I don’t have anything for them to relate to? I can’t help someone overcome anything that I haven’t dealt with myself. My story doesn’t have lots of twists and turns or traumatic events, so what do I have to offer this demographic of people who I feel drawn towards?
- I get along better with guys – Yep. I admit it. I don’t even really like girls all that much. I have a small group of female friends and all of the other women are kept at a distance, and that’s the way I like it. Guys are so much more fun and easier to get along with. They don’t ask tons of questions or desire to sit around crying and talking about feelings. I grew up in an environment where we didn’t talk about our feelings much, yet I desire to ask other young girls to open up to me and help them get through the difficulty that is life. I don’t know about this one. I can’t explain it either.
So there you have it. Everyone who believes that I am making a huge mistake – join the club because you’re preaching to the choir! It’s not just the fact that I should probably be at work behind a desk instead of in the woods of North Georgia; it’s mostly the fact that I’m entering into very new, very scary, very uncharted territory. It’s apparent that I don’t belong here. I am waaaaaay out of my lane with this one and I am actually seeking out more opportunities to go even further outside my comfort zone.
Living in this fallen world without Christ is tricky. It’s easy to be deceived by what we see and experience, but there is a very fine line between reality and truth. The five reasons that I’ve used to determine why I shouldn’t be here may be my reality, but here is the truth:
- My dreams and passions are given to me from the Father – I may not be able to explain why I have such a strong desire to minister to the hurts of young girls and women, but I know that the love and empathy I have for them comes from God alone. This means that the strength and ability that I need must also come from Him only. I can’t buy into lies that say ‘I can’t get along with women’, when really it’s an excuse to keep me from pursuing the women around me.
- Jesus Christ was perfect and knew no sin – yet He was able to relate & minister to all of us. There are many who would argue that we can’t relate to a man as perfect & honorable as Jesus; however, Jesus came to earth to be able to relate to us. I’m no JC – not even close – but I am a carrier of His presence. The love of Jesus never fails and His love draws people to Himself.
- Stretching myself beyond my comfort means that I rely more on the Holy Spirit’s authority in my life – I’m not one to take big risks, but regularly placing myself in situations where God must come through grows my connection with God. Not only that, but it requires me to daily surrender myself, my ways, and my thoughts to Jesus, something that He has been asking me to do for some time now. I am choosing to walk today in a promise that the Lord has given me for my future.
You see, the truth is that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. The Lord has given me passion, purpose, and a promise. While it may appear that I don’t belong here, I am determined to walk in His promise. I am blessed to be able to see His truth over my reality. I’m excited for the opportunities that I am given in The Fellowship to dive into uncharted waters. I am appreciative of the people who encourage me to explore my passions, rather than suggesting that I ‘stay in my lane’. I look forward to the times when I will be influential in helping others realize their hopes for happiness and their dreams, starting now …
In what ways are you actively leaving room for the Holy Spirit to move in your life?
What promise has the Lord given you that you can begin walking in today?
