Almost … And before I even officially started … here's how it happened.
"Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour" – 1 Peter 5:8
Training Camp is great. I mean really, really great. But it's so good, and the teaching so awesome, and the lessons so practical, and the unity so strong, and the Holy Spirit so present that I'm sure it causes the devil and his demons to go completely stir crazy. I mean, we are a bunch, about 200 strong, training to tear down the devil's kingdom. Of course, he won't let it go lightly! I either underestimated him or overestimated myself (probably combination of both); but, somehow I let my guard down, I did not stay alert, and my great enemy was right there ready to attack. So he attacked me, and in a way that I never would have expected ….
"For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places." – Ephesians 6:12
I confirmed my spot on the race on January 4, 2013 and ever since then I have been 200% sure that The World Race was a God ordained decision. The chain of events leading to me applying and later being accepted was much more than just a coincidence and I knew for sure that I was not just being led by my emotions. Immediately after being accepted, the enemy went to work by attacking my finances and financial support for the race. However, this only strengthened my resolve and I became more determined to move forward with the plans that God put in place. I saw God move in ways that I'd never experienced before and daily I was growing closer to Him.
As time went by, and I was no longer concerned with my finances because they'd been completely surrendered to Jesus, my enemy began attacking my emotions. I would go through varying emotions daily and would not understand why. I then began doubting myself and my ability to be used by God, which was something that I'd never questioned before. Once again, I realized that this was another ploy for the devil to get me to reconsider my decision to do the race. At this point, I did begin entertaining the thought that God's plans for me regarding The World Race were not as great as I had hoped or expected. Nevertheless, I did not question whether or not I should move forward with the race and pushed through.
Fast forward to training camp … From the beginning, training camp was completely awesome. Driving to North Georgia with a few of my squad mates, all sporting green ninja turtle-esque costumes. Hearing people who I'd never met before (other than a few facebook exchanges) yell my name in excitement. Displaying my tent pitching skills, or lack thereof, in an open field area designated specifically for "SQUAD 3" AKA #DubSquad. It was great, it was exciting, it was everything I'd expected and more! I'm sure my enemy couldn't stand the expectation exceeding fellowship, praise & worship, and teaching … so again, he attacked.
This time he attacked my spirit. He made me feel like my relationship with Jesus was in jeopardy. That all the time spent in fellowship with my new squad, and attending mandatory lecture sessions, and navigating solutions for the problem scenarios posed in teaching us practical lessons were actually taking me further away from my Father whom I'd spent months prior trying to get so close to. My relationship with Jesus means everything to me and my priority for the past year has been getting closer to Him. I wouldn't let anything get in the way of that … Not even The World Race. So, if going on the World Race means being too preoccupied with other "things" and not devoting time to cultivate my relationship with Jesus or feed my spirit, then I wasn't going on The World Race.
NOTHING AND NO ONE IS GONNA COME BETWEEN ME & MY MAN! (I'm pretty ride or die like that)
So that sounds pretty noble, right? It sounds legit, doesn't it? It sounds like I place a ton of weight on what's important and I'm just a super spiritual and religious kind of chick … wouldn't you say?!? That's what I said. That's what I convinced myself to be true. I allowed the devil to creep in one of his stupid lies, and I was absolutely WRONG!
"Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near" – Hebrews 10:22-25
During this time of considering throwing in the towel for the race, which I told NO ONE about, one of my squad mates pretty much called me out on not being myself. She hadn't even known me for more than 3 days, but some how she managed to know that something was off. (SN: Have I mentioned how much I ADORE my squad mates?? They are the absolute BEST! They are the bomb.com, lol. I love them all so much and am so excited to spend the next year of my life with them.) Her observation caused me to dig a little deeper and talk through what I was feeling. I shared with a couple other squad mates and the more I shared with them, the more I realized that this was indeed an attack.
My enemy was trying to convince me that The World Race would take me further from Christ, when he knows that it, in fact, would draw me closer to Christ. Sometimes we think we are doing the right thing because it appears good and noble on the outside. We must remember to consult with God for ALL of our decisions, because there is a way that seems right to man, but in the end it leads to destruction. Satan is trying to destroy you and me by any means necessary! That stupid snake knows, as well as I do, that my Dad has some AMAZING plans for me and this race is all a part of that plan. I believe that this race will actually catapult me into my destiny and what God has set up for me. Satan knows that my desires to be close to God are pure, and he used those pure, genuine desires to to trick me! HOW RUDE?!
Thankfully, without even realizing what they were doing, my team was there for me. They observed me, they listened to me, and they comforted me. I shared my struggle with my squad for 2 reasons:
- For accountability. After I shared with them that I considered quitting the race, I had squad mates checking in on me afterwards. Some of them let me know that they were glad that I didn't leave. And others told me that they had similar struggles and were so glad to hear that they were not alone.
- To overcome. Revelation 12:11 says, "And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death." My testimony helped me to overcome. My testimony helped me to get back on track. My testimony helped me to see the situation clearly.
I'm extremely glad that I didn't quit the race and extremely excited about what my future holds. It must hold some spectacular things because the enemy will not let up from attacking me. But now, I have more weapons in my arsenal. I have a team who is not only fighting with me, but also fighting for me. I have this victory to look back on. I have a God with unbreakable strength, and with Him I will not quit, for when I am weak … then I am strong!
Because of our cunning, common enemy, my race won't be easy, but neither will yours. I challenge you to stay alert and watch out. I challenge you to hold fast to the confession of our hope without wavering. I challenge you to never neglect the meeting together with like-minded Christians, but to encourage one another all the more. I challenge you to choose truth and realize what exactly we're fighting against. The battle is already won, and all we need to do is hold on and endure until the end.
"But the one who endures to the end will be saved?" – Matthew 24:13
