I just finished reading a book called 'The Veil' by Blake Healey (it's a really great book and I highly recommend it!); in the book Blake says that lies are the only powerful weapon that satan possesses, but they only powerful if you believe them. I've known for as long as I can remember that he is the father of lies, but I've recently come to realize that the part about his lies only working if we believe them is SO TRUE. But, I don't have time to be believing the devil's lies … ain't NOBODY got time for that!
One of the lies that the devil has managed to get me to believe is that I needed to earn God's goodness and blessings. So for the longest, I've had a "works" mentality both in the natural and the spiritual. Now, there is nothing wrong with working diligently for the Lord and for others, but it should be done out of a pure heart and not in hopes of earning more of God's love and goodness. This lie not only had me bound with a religious mindset and working for favor and promotion, but it also had me judging others and wondering what they were doing to be gifted with certain things. I had my own personal scale that I used to measure someone's worthiness and assumed that God did the same thing.
Where did this mentality come from? Well, as I began digging and healing I was able to pinpoint a few situations that the devil took advantage of. When I was in high school, my dad told me he would buy me a car if I scored high enough on the ACT exams. This was one of the college entrance exams similar to the SATs. Of course, the stakes were high. I wanted a new car and the score that I was aiming for was not the easiest to attain. Not to mention, I was taking this exam as a sophomore in high school. 2 years earlier than most students took it! The day came that I got my results, and I did not make the score of 30 that I was hoping for … instead, I scored a 29. It was still a really great score. But, guess what? I didn't get a car. This was my first real taste of "failure" and while it's great to work hard for success, the enemy used that moment to tell me that I wasn't good enough and that I didn't do well enough to deserve what I desired. Satan planted a seed. (SN: DAD, if you're reading this I'm not blaming you for anything!! You're a great father and have taught me priceless life lessons. This is just an example of how the devil uses the smallest things to feed us lies. LOVE YOU! 
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Later in life, as I entered college and broke free from my parents' protective covering, I learned through multiple situations that no one ever does something for nothing. I lost friends and ended relationships over thinking that someone was just being nice or doing me a favor until they came seeking repayment later down the line. If someone gave me an answer on an exam or bought a meal for me (whether I asked for it or not), you better believe that they would later approach me with "Hey, remember that time when I did this or that" … So I got to a point where I wouldn't ask anyone for anything. I gradually moved from not asking to not even accepting nice gestures from others. I didn't allow people to show me love just because, and it's because I didn't believe that was possible. I would go out of my way to make sure that someone didn't go out of their way to do something for me. If I were the reason that someone did an out-of-the-ordinary act or why someone's plans were altered, I felt weird and indebted to that person. Part of the reason why I cherished my independence was because I didn't like owing anyone, anything, ever. I probably kept better tabs on what I owed than the person who I actually owed it to. And while it's great to do good things for people who have done things for you, the enemy used those moments to tell me that no-one gives something for nothing. Another seed was planted.
Is it possible that this seeds took hold of other seemingly normal life circumstances? Is it possible that they took root and grew within me? Is it possible that this attitude translated over into my spiritual life as well? Absolutely. So I tried to earn my salvation and I expected others to do the same. That was such a bondage to live under, especially for someone who claimed to be Ms.Independent. Finally, the day came that I was really ready to confront this stronghold and allow God's love to set me free …
