Last week, I wrote this blog in a moment of weakness and frustration. But the devil is a liar and he chose the wrong one to mess with! The more I think about it, the more upset I become. How dare he get me to profess that I suck … at anything?! That’s no way to talk about a princess. But now, God has helped me to view myself through HIS lens. I am awesome, I am the child of a king, I am a fighter, I am a winner, and I declare war over the enemy. Sure, my method of evangelism might not be just like others, but that’s what makes me wonderful and unique. That’s what makes me affective, I’m sort of like a secret weapon and I attack when you least expect it. So satan, consider this your warning … YOU’RE GOING DOWN!
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I’ve recently come to the conclusion that I pretty much suck at evangelism, and I’m not exactly sure why. I know that I love God. I know why I love God. I know that I want others to love God and to also experience God’s love. I know that I enjoy being the hands and feet of Jesus and displaying God’s love in very tangible forms. But when it comes to “sharing the gospel” and “winning souls” for the kingdom, I’m not exactly part of the A-Team.
Spiritual gifts such as teaching, apostleship, pastoring, and evangelism, are definitely not my strong suit. In fact, I’ve taken the Spiritual Gifts Discovery Tool test on 3 different occasions, and each time I scored the lowest in those areas. As much as I have wished I were stronger in the “leadership” categories, I have always scored extremely high in the softer skills gifts such as giving, service, mercy, and faith. ALWAYS.
To be honest, I don’t know the bible back and forth and I can’t quote a bunch of scriptures. If I were to get into a debate with an atheist or someone of a different faith, I would probably lose. I think that they would even know more scripture and theology about Christianity than I would! I’ve never been a good student of theory, regardless the subject. I am always waiting for the application part of the lesson because that’s where I tend to really learn. So, when it comes to really being a student of the word and learning history, background, and context of scripture I’m not very good. This may not be “religiously correct” for a Christian to say, but I don’t enjoy researching the Greek or Hebrew meanings of words or reading every bible translation. #oops #mybad
?I know that reading the bible is essential to my walk and it definitely feeds me in times when I am weak or seeking God for an answer. The bible in itself is very real, very alive, very interesting, very exciting, and very much my weapon against the enemy; but, I’m not exactly leaping at the next opportunity to sit down for hours to study a bible verse. Is this why I suck at evangelism?
Maybe it’s because I want to make living for and serving Jesus look cool and fun. I’ve come across people who call themselves Christians, but are less than enthusiastic about going to church and living for Christ. I’ve also met people who are even more lukewarm than that. People who believe in a higher being, but not necessarily one God or one way to Him. My method with these people has always been to reel them in slowly by showing them that life with Christ is fun, exciting, and most of all fulfilling and rewarding. I know that there are things of this world that you must give up to follow Christ. I know that there are changes in your heart that must be made. I know that there are many things that you will have to start saying ‘no’ to. And I know from experience that these realizations can be a hard pill to swallow. So rather than coming across as a Negative Nancy or being overly pushy, I hold back a little on those requirements because I don’t want to scare them completely off. Maybe that’s why I suck at evangelism.
I don’t even invite people to church for the sole purpose of getting them saved anymore. That method has never worked for me. Bringing someone to church for a couple of hours one day a week doesn’t really do anything unless their hearts are already softened. It is especially pointless if they don’t have real life examples in front of them during the week after church is over. So, I try to be a light around my friends. They see me and know that I’m a little different, but is my light bright enough to bring about transformation? I want to show them through my lifestyle that loving Jesus is NOT equivalent to having a boring life, but I’m not quite sure that it is working. What am I doing wrong? Am I doing anything right? I want to love like Jesus loved and I don’t want anyone to go to hell. Especially not anyone that I know! I know that I should be intentional, but I also want to be able to be myself and not come across as fake or phony. I hate being around fake people. But the fact remains that I suck at evangelism!
I’m not exactly sure why I wrote this blog. Could be a result of frustration with not seeing God move the way I want, or fear that I won’t be affective in ministry during the mission trip, or guilt from missing opportunities to share the gospel, or jealousy of people who have very strong spiritual gifts. Could be a little bit of everything … who knows! I don’t have a resolution and unlike most of my other blog entries, this one doesn’t have a happy ending or a silver lining. I guess that’s what happens when you start being completely honest with yourself (and anyone else who chooses to read your blogs). At this point I feel like I’m just rambling off whatever thoughts come to my head, so I’ll save you the agony of reading any more …
