So, I used to have this gig called, “The World Race,” in this show I was a powerful person. I actually believed God could move a mountain if I commanded it to in His name.
That chapter is closed and well now I need a new show…
It seems like everyone else has a plan, that they have already moved on! It has been 4 months since I have been back, and I am struggling though! How do I take my experiences and the change Christ did in me to make a difference? Its easier to go along with the ways of the culture. Its easier to keep it all bottled up. Its hard for me to share things that are so close to my heart, or things I am still questioning myself. There is a conflict within me because I know I have changed, but I don’t know how to live that out here…
I struggle with getting any job and wanting to find my calling….
My friend Joanna said to me, “I feel like we think its the end all be all! That it has to be this specific perfect thing. But a life’s calling, takes a lifetime! The little steps along the way is what contributes and ultimately leads to purpose in the Lord.”
This convicted me, but I still felt discouraged. Why is it that I felt like I had a purpose overseas and I felt God’s presence with me, but when He led me to Colorado, I felt PURPOSELESS, like He has left me to fend for myself?
I have been crying out, “Lord, what am I to do? I will do anything for You!!!”
The only thing I heard back was silence. No direction. All paths seem to lead nowhere. I began to feel anxious and fearful about the future.
But as I have been trying out churches here, God got through to me…
He said,
“Kristin, my daughter, you are so focused on this one area of your life, that you have missed my gentle whispers along the way. I am not your “answer” man. I want to speak in your whole life, not just this one concern.”
I realized I was “stiff-arming” God. With my actions, I was saying, “I just need a little advice with this one thing,
the rest I’ve got taken care of!”
And well now I am broken. I am scared.
I don’t know what He is doing, but I am finally in a position to LISTEN to His still small voice…
I have nowhere to look, but up.
I have nothing to do with my hands, but open them and surrender everything
and
all I can say is, “THY WILL BE DONE!”
Lord, so as I wait on this one thing, let me not miss your gentle whispers….
