Looking back, one thing that I was most excited about when I started this race was the thought of getting to see God at work around the world. I wanted to have enough faith that when I prayed for someone, they would be healed. Instead I ended up getting frustrated when I prayed for people and God did not heal them. This made my trust in God diminish and my shield drop. It made me more vulnerable to the enemy’s attacks. I realize now at the end of the race, where I went wrong in all of this. I had based my faith on what God did instead of who He is. My faith was lacking because I did not see results, but faith takes trust in the unseen. After traveling around the world, I have come to terms that I don’t always understand what God is doing in my life or in the lives around me. I don’t understand why one person gets healed, while He calls another one home. This is why it takes belief in who God is, because His ways are higher. I am learning that to please Him, it takes faith in who He is. I want to be faithful, but so often I fail the test. The shocking fact is that when I am unfaithful he is still faithful! He will do what He promised! How amazing is our God! When I can’t see what He is doing, when things seem to be rough, do I trust Him enough and believe Him enough that He is working it out for my good? Faith takes believing and it takes trust. I have learned that this doesn’t mean that I need to stop expecting God to move in obvious ways or stop praying for Him to reach down His hand! Nothing is impossible for our God! But it is all about the right motive. Am I focused on Him showing what He can do for me, or am I focused on knowing Him more?
I have come to the end of my time here in Cambodia, I am done with ministry. We said goodbye to the teary-eyed kids we have taught for 3 weeks. Goodbyes are hard! The end of the road seems so uncertain! I don’t know what is next for me when I get back to the States, sometimes it scares me, but I know God is working out a plan for me and right now all I can do is trust Him because He is trustworthy and that He will reveal it to me.
