“Do you love me?”
Is there a harder question you can be asked by someone you care about?
It implies that you’ve done something to suggest otherwise.
How do you answer with words when your actions fall so short?
“Do you love me?”
The words must have sliced to the depth of Peter’s heart as Jesus probed him. It had been a little more than a week since Peter had abandoned Jesus at his greatest moment of need. After promising he would die for Jesus, Peter’s fears had caught up to him. In the heat of the moment he proved to all that he loved his life more than he loved his friend.
Jesus had already asked the question twice, referring to the greatest depth of love any person could offer another. Both times, Peter could not say that he did… Peter had answered with a different word for love than [the word] Jesus had used; “I have great affection for you, as a brother,” he replied.
We are not told why he couldn’t answer with the word that Jesus used, but it is easy to assume his failure might well have played into it. Peter knew he had not loved him as much as he thought, and perhaps in the face of his denial he tried to find a word that would more honestly fit his actions.
When he asks the third time, Jesus switches to Peter’s word for brotherly affection. Though Peter answers in the affirmative, he is hurt by the fact that he’d been asked three times. But notice how undeterred Jesus is by his answers. All three times he invites Peter past his weakness to ministry in his kingdom. “Take care of my sheep.” His message is clear:
You’re NOT damaged goods.
Your failure has NOT changed anything between us.
You’re still in the family.
The above excerpt is from the book He Loves Me by Wayne Jacobsen (2007). It’s one of the many books I’m working through at the moment, and it’s helping me rediscover my worth in Christ.
I wouldn’t call them “mistakes” per se because God uses EVERY thing for His glory, but I’ve made a handful of not-so-wise choices in my life. And the consequences of those choices have left me feeling defeated, worthless, and without joy.
Why would God love someone who chose to turn away from him, someone who thought her life would be better off without him?
Why would God love someone who became dependent on tangible idols in her life and found her identity and value in what others thought of her?
Why would God want to love someone when others find it so easy to leave her behind?
Why would God want to put forth the effort to love someone who doesn’t even love herself – someone who thinks she is too fluffy, not pretty enough, has no talent, and is invisible and unheard?
Why would God love someone who continually fails him?
Like I said, I’ve made some not-so-wise choices in my life, and because of those choices and the way I’ve perceived actions from others, I’ve chosen to live a life that has left me feeling defeated, worthless, and without joy. The lies spoken to me from others and about me from my own mouth have destroyed how I view myself and how I view God.
I’ve had a rough month or so out here on the Race because I thought God was ignoring my pleas. I wanted Him to show himself, to help me hear him, and to make himself tangible to me. I was even mad at Him for a while because he wasn’t answering. But He was there, quietly and meticulously removing scar tissue that had built up over the years, and at church this past Sunday, He showed up.
The second part of the sermon was about how words hold power and how we have a tendency to replay the worst comments and moments in our head until we believe them to be true instead of being anchored in the truths God has spoken about us. When I started to think of the lies that I’ve believed about myself, God spoke his truths over them.
When I replayed the voices that said, “I don’t love you,” “I don’t know how to relate you,” “You’re not ______ enough,” “You’re invisible,” and “You don’t matter,” God said:
My precious Kristin, I loved you so much that I sacrificed my only son so I could be with you unhindered! Please believe that I see you, and you matter to me. I saw you before creation, I saw you in your mother’s womb, and I see you now. I know when you rise and when you sleep. I know when you want to cry but won’t let yourself, and I know what brings you joy. You are enough because I created you in my image. You matter to me, my sweet child, and you are worth everything to me.
His message was clear:
I’m NOT damaged goods.
My failures have NOT changed anything between us.
I’m still in the family.
I’ll always be His daughter, and I’m always loved.
