There is a girl on my team who has had cankles ever since we landed in South Africa. We all experienced a little bit of leg swelling due to the long travel days, but her legs have stayed swollen. Her body knows that she is in a different climate with extreme heat and it believes that keeping this reserved supply of water is beneficial because it may be needed in the future.
Even though she spends her days pushing fluids and her evenings with her feet elevated, her legs are still retaining water. Her skin has stretched because of the pressure and has begun to dry out. When you look at her legs, you can tell she is in physical pain.
Her own body, while trying to protect her from some future situation that may or may not occur, is causing her great pain.
While looking at her legs one day, I began to think about how we as humans do the same. We hold onto things – even though they cause us pain – because we may or may not need them in the future. We may even find comfort and familiarity in the pain these things cause.
Yes, we store things like childhood toys, photos, and mementos from special moments that remind us of sweet memories. But we also store not-so-sweet memories that remind us of painful moments that were caused by others. Then we hold onto the emotions these moments caused to help justify our future actions and decisions.
I say “we,” but I really mean “me.”
I can vividly recall moments of hurt, disappointment, and pain caused by my dad, my mom, myself, my ex-husband, my team, and others. I can also recall moments when I caused the same for these same people. Because I didn’t seek reconciliation shortly after these moments occurred, I allowed these moments to plant seeds of bitterness, resentment, and anger.
These feelings that I believed I was justified in keeping have caused distance between the people I love most and myself. These same feelings keep me from letting people I am learning to love or have yet to meet truly into my life as well.
It’s time to let these feelings go, to confess my unforgiveness, and ask God to restore relationships. It’s time to find healing and live in the freedom and joy that God graciously gives.
