I was expressing this to a sister on my squad, and she asked why. As I stumbled over myself trying to even explain why, she said…write that you’re stuck and then what you just shared. Well, isn’t that a novel idea?!
I think it boils down to the anticipation, expectation, and preparation that has been building for the last 10 months coupled with emotional ”see ya later’s”, excitement, spiritual growth, and loads of information create a strange, surreal state of being. I’m on “slight” overload. I found myself struggling to seek the Lord on it because I’m not even sure what’s going on inside. One amazing thing I have been learning; however, is that that I don’t always have to know. The Holy Spirit is alive and present with me. It has been said by a handful of various people over the last several weeks that worship is an invitation for the Holy Spirit to invade any situation. I love this and wholeheartedly believe it! Tonight during a beautiful time of worship, I found myself shedding tears and I wasn’t even positive on what kind of tears they were. Now I believe they were tears of a cumulation of emotions, an increasing sense of the love and acceptance of Jesus, and a growing knowledge of my identity in Him.
We have been told since Training Camp back in October to try to let go of all expectations. I very well may be faced with the realization at some point that I had expectations I didn’t even know existed; but at this point, I believe the only expectation I have is that this year is going to hold so much of a whole lot of something I have know way to know til it comes! I’m so hungry to experience Jesus in a deeper, more intimate way. The World Race is going to create many opportunities for just that. I’m so thankful and humbled to be used by God; and I’m overwhelmed as I grow in walking in the identity of His daughter, and the power and authority that comes with that. It’s so exciting!
This is where I am. I’m so glad to know that when I don’t know anything else and I find myself overwhelmed, I know a Father who speaks to me and guides me and holds me and loves me. I expect this won’t be the last time I cling to that truth! Thank you, Jesus! Hallelujah!
On a final note, we found out this evening that we leave on Thursday evening for our first stop in Cape Town, South Africa!!! We will be serving with a sports ministry. Can you say excitement?!?! I’m so looking forward to further establishing relationships with my team over a 16 hour plane ride and then a 15 hour bus ride………… 🙂 Okay, we’ll likely have to choose a joyful attitude on that bus ride at some point, but I am seriously looking forward to serving with my B Squad and team Tabula Rasa! These are some pretty spectacular folks that I have a lot to learn from! Let’s roll!
