self sufficiency is dangerous. the minute we rely exclusively on our autonomous selves, we enter a danger zone. now, i know that sounds absurd, especially to the mothers who are still trying to get their 27 year old kids to move out of their house already. but don’t worry this idea applies to parents & their ‘failed to launch’ kids as well.
[sorry if this is long, this is a simple lesson that God taught me today]
since living in thailand, i’ve been trucking through with a total tough-a$% front. i, kristin bruce, operate under an intrepid disposition. i like to imagine myself walking in slow motion, illuminated by the neon lights of the red light district, a band of skulls song blaring, a strong kick drum and electric guitar scratching to my heavy, untouchable footsteps, hell bent on bringing heaven to the darkness of this cesspot of the world.
[His name is Shane, he is a crooked toothed cockney spitting Brit from Essex, he calls himself a “traveler.” Not one word came out of his mouth that I would repeat to my mother. When he finally quizzed me on my travels and doings in Chaing Mai, I told him I was trying to make friends with prostitutes and help them find other jobs. After patronizing me for a few minutes, telling me I couldn’t save the world, he literally charaded himself tying a rope around his neck as if to hang himself. He told me I ruined his night and he needed to head home. Best buzz kill ever.]
BUT, you know that awesome phrase the kids of the playground used to say; “sticks & stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” we all know that’s cute, but not at all true. Shane went his way and his bitter exasperation went with me and haunted me for 2 days, wringing me out and disillusioning my previous, somewhat embarrassing, portrayal of myself.
But, he’s right you know, I can’t save the world. Hence, the former the self-reliance vexation. I finally heard God this morning, after all that ehhhhh for a day or so: I am so prideful and think I am gonna swoop in here and charm the socks off some prostitutes and Johns and get them all loving Jesus because Jesus is cool, I am cool, so everything’s cool. nahhhh, not so much.
first of all, the peace and love that comes from Jesus is ridiculous to those that don’t know God the Father:18 For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. 1 corinthians 1:18
but its ok if i am not kristin suave, because even paul talked about being totally cool with being awkward, because where he wasn’t smooth, God had more opportunity to work in his life: 3 I came to you in weakness with great fear and trembling. 4 My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power, 5 so that your faith might not rest on human wisdom, but on God’s power.
so all that to say, collect, refocus and I am marching back down to bar street tonight, praying *ahem* excuse me, begging God to give me words, grace, and boldness, that kristin would decrease and God would fill me up from head to toe… and maybe help me find a good deal on a new tattoo. whoops- mom don’t read that.
<3 kristin
