I didn’t want the pressure or responsibility of being in that spot light or place, especially since leading an area of ministry meant leading 40+ people (our whole squad was together in 1 ministry site). My internal dialogue went something like this, ‘Do I have enough confidence and boldness to call meetings together when necessary when I know people would rather be elsewhere? Is my voice strong enough or will I buckle under the pressure of having my whole squad looking back at me? Do I know how to cultivate an atmosphere so that everyone can contribute? Do I carry enough influence? Obviously these were doubts from the Devil trying to get me to back down. In the moment though, they seem valid. There was also that piece of me that just wanted to kick back and relax– be there to help but not be held responsible.
So as the meeting went on and topics were discussed and passed on to others, I felt myself getting excited (I’m almost off the hook)- gardening, teaching, street ministry…….. “IHNFA!” And that is where my heart strings were tugged. Shoot! My heart broke for this ministry and I could see events of my past leading me to lead this ministry to under privileged teenage girls who have violent and abusive pasts. As I was trying to let it pass by, I felt God tugging at my heart. ‘You have done this before. Remember the 24 Foundation that Christine Apa started up a few years ago and that you were a part of? I want to use that same model for these ladies.”
I knew God was right, as He always is. That’s when I noticed my hand start to raise. I shared my thoughts and how this ministry had reminded me of a program I took part in back in the states. Everyone was immediately on board. I was later asked after the meeting if I could lead that ministry. At first I declined, but as I walked away I felt God pulling at my heart again and asking, ‘Why are you walking away from this? I want to work through you to reach these young ladies.” So, finishing up my chicken salad sandwich and Dorito like twisty chips (my diet has drastically changed since I left for the race) I walked back and told my squadettes that I changed my mind.
Once a week we would go into this government run home for girls. I call the girls- “The girls in the yard,” because the whole place is extremely rough- down to their attitudes. Basically take 30+ girls from different street gangs and put them in one place surrounded by 4 cement walls- you get the girls in the yard. It was kind of rediculous. Week 1- a huge fight broke out and 2 girls were sent to prison and 1 was left beat to the ground. There are “yard duty’s” to help, but the respect for them is not there. Some of our racers got in on the action, which later left in death threats from the girls being hauled off to prison. This is when it became “real” and we realized that more prayer needed to go into our planning- for the girls safety (especially while we are not there) and for our own.
Our time spent with them the following 3 Thursdays after that was pretty PG- Thanks be to God. We felt our prayers had been answered. One girl was even going back home with a smile on her face following our last weekend (it was something that she had been praying for).
So once a week we would put together a program that consisted of some sort of theatrical performance pertaining to something they maybe lived through and showing Christ’s power to overcome it, a testimony from one of us girls and worship/ prayer time for us to pray with the girls. All welcomed it. After our little intro the girls split off into groups of interest- Beauty (where girls could learn the art of make-up and styling), art, dance/exercise and games. Our original plan was to allow the girls to showcase their work at the end- teaching them skills, the value they have and the importance of sticking with something, but all was too difficult to communicate through language barriers and just picking an interest in one area.
Never the less, I do believe that hearts were changed and encouraged by the Love of Jesus Christ. Throughout our time there, girls opened up about their struggles with scratching themselves (since they don’t have razors) to let out pain, times they have starved themselves because they thought they were ugly and their concerns that they have for their well being and family members. All were lifted up in prayer.
For me, God provided a platform for me to lead with a new freedom. The things I learned about letting God take the lead in team leading, I was able to walk out in deeper faith. It was God who gave me the courage and boldness I needed, it was Him who gave me the wisdom I needed to continue our program when that fight went out, it was Him who gave me peace to ask for help when I needed it and to trust my instincts when there was no one else to turn to. What I feared being a stressful project, actually turned out to be so rewarding for me and my relationship with the Lord, squad and the girls at IHNFA.
It was a difficult ministry, but I can definitely say that I am happy with the way things turned out. And even more so- thankful that I could bring the basics of the 24 Foundation internationally!!
THANK YOU JESUS FOR CONTINUALLY REDEEMING MY STORY AND LIFE AND USING THE GIFTS YOU HAVE GIVEN ME IN THE PROCESS! FEELING SO ENCOURAGED!
