You all might be wondering how is she holding up? LA girl giving up her closet and packing what she can in a 65 litter backpack where most of the space is given to a tent, sleeping bag and toiletries. It sounds tragic. HOW WILL SHE EVER SURVIVE? Or I should say… PATHETIC?
Two in a half months in this simple life is starting to ware on me. All my cute clothes could not handle the wash beating they received in the Philippines and China and therefore have holes in them. This leaves me with what I would call “work out attire,” to wear on the daily to try and dress up like its cute. This was only fun for a… a week.
3 months in and I want to go shopping, but I remind myself THAT'S NOT WHY IM HERE. Regardless, I am in a super fashion conscious Cape Town and I switch back and forth between two outfits. My style is boring so I feel boring. I feel like I’ve lost my touch. I’m loosing part of my confidence and feeling uncomfortable in this environment. Maybe I am loosing the part of confidence that needs to be lost. The false confidence. Confidence not rooted in who the Lord says I am, but a confidence rooted in prideful exterior that I put up for myself.
Ahhh I hate admitting this, but it hurts so good! God is bringing breakthrough in my life. I know the Lord and I are getting somewhere, but why does it have to be this vulnerable?
I don’t want a confidence that I can peel off I want the kind that can’t be shaken because it is apart of me and inside of me.
Seeing that my worth comes from my interior qualities- my joy, laughter, my love for others and me just being me.
My friend Sara asked me the other day what is my favorite thing about myself that is not physical? I would say my ability to laugh and spread joy through that. What would you say?
