Moving back home to my parent's house took a little more courage than I thought. It also took a little less pride.
Just last week I made the move back home to San Jose after living the past 6 years in LA. It was always a prayer of mine to do a year long mission trip, and stay a month at home making more memories with my parents and sisters before take off. This week was the start of the fulfillment of that prayer request, reminding me how great God is.
Last Friday I packed up my Honda Accord (Bambi Love (not quite sure how she got that name)) and said some sad final goodbyes to my roommates and gal pals on Wooster St. I visited my fav Israelli market- Glatt one last time and then hopped in the car and headed north.
I don't think it fully hit me that my chapter in LA was closing until I pulled up to my parents house and parked my car 6 hours later. All of a sudden I felt my body put on the brakes. There is about 30-40 ft between me and the front door and I was not ready to make that entrance. I started thinking, 'wait a minute. I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to be under someones roof anymore. I'm used to making my own decisions. I don't know how to be dependent. Actually, I don't even know if I want to be. (since then I realized that being a dependent here is a GOOD deal!).' I sat there for at least 10 minutes thinking about my life in LA. Realizing that I am not a part of my life back there anymore. I don't have my own apartment, I don't have my own job, I'm not in the fashion industry anymore and I can no longer make it on my own. Ooo reality check.
I started to feel lost. I began to realize that I had found my identity in what I did and sadly prided myself on making it in LA. Ouch! Now I was right back where I started. And there was God (figuratively) reclaiming my identity and breaking down my pride. Thank you Lord! He told me that this is my path and there is no shame in that. That I was wrong to have pride in these areas and my identity and self worth is not in what I do, but in who He says that I am. "Fearfully and wonderfully made."
You will be glad to know that I eventually went in, knowing that I'll never know what God had in store for this next chapter of my life. Also, if I stayed chillin in the car I'd feel pretty embarrassed if my parents had to come get me. I knew that they would ask what I was doing out there and I would feel pretty silly explaining my rediculousness. Besides my false identity crisis I was happy to be home!
Over the last 7 days I have been getting spiritually and emotionally ready for the mission ahead. The first few days, God had to re-center my heart on Him, so I can focus on what is next. He is walking me through foundational steps of having a mature faith by teaching me how to cast out fear, worry, doubt and unbelief. All things that have gotten in the way of me moving ahead and have kept me from fully trusting Him undoubtedly before. IF YOU COULD KEEP ME IN YOUR PRAYERS ON THESE THINGS, THAT WOULD BE FANTASTIC!!! 🙂
I take off Sept 5th to Atlanta, GA for final training before we head out to Manila, the capital of the Philippines where my teammates and I will partner with Kids International Ministries to "Feed the Hungry." We are not sure if that is literal or figurative. I will keep you posted.
Until then, please keep my funding in your prayers as well. I had a $6,000 deadline that was due today. It was met. Thank you God. My faith was stretched as it was close to the deadline. My next goal is Dec 1st where I will need to have a total of $10,500 in my account. If its not in, then I go home. That is $4,500 more in 3.5 months. He knows exactly what I need and has so far provided every bit of it. I am continuing to trust in His will.
As I get closer to launch I look forward to counting down the days with you all.
Thank you for your prayers, love and support.
God bless with love,
Kristen
