Some days . . .
I’d give anything to sit on my best friend’s couch
and sip tea out of fancy cups.
Some days . . .
I think I would be content if only I could sit and converse with Bubbe
while she scratches my arm.
Some days . . .
I think there is no way in this world I am cut out to be a mother.
Some days . . .
I just want a campfire, a circle of close friends, and some hearty laughter.
Some days . . .
I long to enjoy an inside joke in person rather than reminiscing over the internet.
Some days . . .
a sandwich would be nice for a change.
Some days . . .
I would enjoy real, legit “scarf weather”.
Some days . . .
. . . I just want to go home.
Today I read an email from an Aunt that said,
“. . . some days I just wonder why you want to be where you are . . . ”
And the truth is:
some days I wonder the same thing too.
I have to take each day one at a time- as they come. I understand more fully why Jesus tells us now- today, not to worry about tomorrow.
And for me, today- TODAY is NOT one of those days.
Today I know.
I know why I am in Cambodia.
I was standing in my usual spot at church- towards the back, a plastic red chair on the aisle. One of my little ones from the safe house was standing in the front row with Pastor Liney and her children. During one worship song she began walking back towards me, stretching out her arms as she approached. Instinctively, I reached down and scooped her up. I just held her, swaying back and forth as we sang in Khmer, her head on my shoulder. As those around me continued to sing I began to speak in Khmer over the little one in my arms.
“You are a child of God. You are beautiful. God loves you and I love you. God created you special. He has a special job for you to do. When you pray God smiles. God loves it when you pray to Him. God created your hands special. When you lay your hands on others and pray for God to heal them, He will. God will heal every broken place in your heart. He will always take care of you. He will take every hurt from you and turn it into something good because He loves you. He will never leave you. Do not be ashamed. God knows you and He loves you . . . “
My shoulder began to feel wet as I continued to speak. I craned my neck backwards and lifted her a little to see her face. Tears swelled, breaking the threshold of her eyelids in slow, steady streams. I nestled her head back into the safe crevice of my neck and shoulder as I continued to pray over her, rocking and swaying back and forth, gently kissing her head every so often.
When we arrived back at our house, as I was getting her settled into bed for our afternoon nap time, I asked her . . .
“When I was holding you in church today, you began to cry, why were you crying?”
She looked at me in silence for a few seconds.
“Because Ma . . . ” She started slowly,
“Because Jesus died on the cross to lift my sin off of me.”
Yes, because Jesus died on the cross to lift my sin off of me.
That is why I am in Cambodia today.
Because Jesus died not only to lift my sin off of me,
but he died to lift
the sins,
the pain,
the horror,
the sickness,
the slavery,
the genocide,
the effects of the genocide,
the rape,
the brokenness,
the pedophilia,
the hopelessness,
the helplessness,
the poverty,
the hunger,
the violence,
the fatherlessness,
the injustice,
the strife,
the abandonment,
and the corruption,
off of the backs of Cambodians.
. . . and there is only .5%
– a half of a percent-
of the population
of the whole country
that know that.
