The question I was most recently asked this summer when talking about Cambodia and my awesome team of 10 women was: Where are the men at?!
My answer:
I have no idea!?!?!
I have been in Cambodia for exactly one week and more than ever, my heart is breaking because the realization is setting in that: as a woman I can only do so much! The real change needs to happen in the men of Cambodia if we are going to see the end of sexual slavery in Cambodia.
Right now I am reading Wild at Heart it is a good book, but I have been frustrated reading it. It talks about the wounds men receive as young boys that they then carry with them into adulthood which stops them from being the strong, warrior men that God has created them to be. He states that because of their wounds they either use their strength for violence– which I was reminded of today as I hugged a precious, 14 years old Khmer girl with a large swollen, purple left eye and cheek; or they become passive– much more commonly seen by the silence of men from the West.
I have been frustrated with the book because I haven’t gotten to the part yet where I see the redemption.
So far Mr. Eldridge has just described countless stories of- ‘at their core, this is what men desire: a battle to fight, an adventure to be a part of, a beauty to rescue . . . blah blah blah . . . but we are wounded and so we shrink back. This is why we don’t pursue the beauty or this is what has happened in our hearts that keeps us fearful and unwilling to step out in risk and adventure ‘. . . to say the least, as one of the beauties who desires a strong man of God to pursue her, reading it is depressing.
But it goes beyond my own personal desire for a man to pursue me because there is a bigger battle to be fought! There are many more beauties to rescue- the precious women and children of Cambodia are in need of rescue!
Deep down, in my heart of hearts, I believe that the masculine heart can and will and is already being redeemed; and already I see such a need for the impartation of that into the men of Cambodia.
Something that Wild at Heart says is that, “Femininity can never bestow Masculinity” . . . in other words, as a woman, I can only do so much.
The imparting of values as a Man of God can only come from a Man of God. The discipling of a man to love his wife and give himself up for her the way Christ does for the church can only come from a man.
The impartation of monogamy and a strong, healthy, loving marriage can only be bestowed by the discipleship of a man to a man or a husband to a husband.
When a boy has been raped or used for a sex object and experiences immense gender confusion, the impartation of masculinity and identity as a Man of God is not something that can be learned from a woman of God.
For months we have been asking the question: How do you change the mindset of this culture?!?!
How do you teach the value of women to a culture that views them as second-class citizens?
How do you teach a culture that it is possible for boys to be raped when the majority of people do not even believe it is possible? But not only do they believe it is just not possible, they believe if it were to happen to a boy then he should be strong enough to just move past it without needing healing or counseling? How do we bring healing to these young boys?
How do you teach the men of an entire culture what it means to love, honor, and respect their wives?
How do you change the mindset of a culture that says it is okay to beat up your wife and daughters?
How do you teach fathers and mothers who play with or touch their sons’ penises well into their adolescent years that this practice is a root cause of their sons’ psycho-social problems and pornographic tendencies when they view it as innocent acts of love?!?!
The answer?!?!
MEN.
MEN of GOD discipling other MEN to become MEN of GOD.
I and my team have answered the Lord’s call.
We know we are here for purpose,
but the more I learn, the more I pray,
“God, raise up the men and bring them here!”
