The Broken Expectation: Part 2
This morning I woke up feeling pretty empty. We had breakfast and left for our prayer meeting with the leaders of the church that we are partnering with this month. We read, prayed, and worshiped. During worship I broke down, again, desperate to hear the Lord, trying to comprehend everything that happened last night. So as I listened he talked and this is what He said:
“Baby girl, I’ve never left your side. I’ve been there right by your side day in and day out. I’m taking you through these valleys so I can teach you to truly rely on me and only me to establish your steps and to know who you are. I’ve given you these freedoms so you can be reminded of my goodness, but not for you to lose sight of me. Everything I’ve put you through in your life hasn’t been in vain. Without these experiences you wouldn’t be exactly where I need you to be, in Africa, reaching my children who some think are unreachable and unlovable, but not you my daughter. I’ve wired you exactly how I want you to be. I’m sorry you broke last night but if you lived your whole life trying to fit the mold and expectations of others, then you couldn’t successfully fulfill the purpose of your life, which I have set before you. It’s time that you stop living for the approval of your brothers and sisters and start living for just me.
Two years ago, I brought you to Ireland, because if I didn’t you still wouldn’t know what it’s like to have a personal relationship with me. I gave you the life I did because I knew at some point you would leave it all behind to follow me. I see you Kristen, I know every fiber on your head, every thought before you think it, every emotion before you feel it, and every word before you say it. I desire for you to know me like I know you, for your identity to solely lie in me and no one else. I’m telling you now, that it’s not going to be easy, but I promise to hold your hand through this process. The next three months are going to be hard, but if you stay surrendered to my will for your life, I will rebuild your identity, your thoughts, and your beliefs to reflect me. You will look back and wonder how or why you lived for anyone else. Do you see these people here in this town? They have nothing near what I have blessed you with, but they are filled with so much joy and happiness because they intimately know me. That’s what I want for you, to radiate my joy knowing who you are in me is enough. You are my daughter and I will not forsake you. I know the desires of your heart. I know you want to get married, I know you want a family, but you have to trust me. Every relationship that’s broken hasn’t gone unnoticed, but there is a reason why I haven’t let any of them work; you were looking to all the wrong people to find validation when I’m the only one who can truly fulfill you. Darling, you are worth so much more. Hold tightly to me and I’ll give you everything you need.”
Ann Voskamp gently reminded me that beautiful things can come from brokenness.
“The seed breaks to give us the wheat. The soil breaks to give us the crop, the sky breaks to give us the rain, the wheat breaks to give us the bread. And the bread breaks to give us the feast. There once was an alabaster jar that broke to give Him all the glory… never be afraid of a broken thing.”
