Today was hard. I really didn’t have any words to describe how I felt about today. I took my life for granted and I took knowing Jesus for granted, but today I was left in awe of this world, specifically the people of Cali. Everyone’s stories, everyone’s problems, everyone’s prayer requests finally caught up to me and I was running on empty. I feel what these people feel but I get to go home, I get to leave these broken neighborhoods and lives of these people but they don’t. Day in and day out they relive the same things.
How can I show up to at their door, tell them about this person who can change their lives in five minutes and then never see these people again?
Door after door, knock after knock, and conversation after conversation two people from this neighborhood left a lasting impact on my heart. Here is part of their story:
Octavio and his granddaughter Karen –12 years ago he was on a bus with his wife when it was attacked and bombed by a group of guerrillas. He lost his hearing, sight and suffers from lasting wounds in his stomach. His wife also lost her sight that day. She passed away six years ago and now his 13 year old granddaughter has become his primary caretaker. 13 years old. Rather than being burdened by taking care of her grandfather she was thankful, thankful that he was still alive so that she could take care of him. Karen’s mom works in the city and sends her money to look after the house and her grandfather. It made me think about my life when I was 13 years old, if I wasn’t playing sports, or watching TV, I was bugging my older brother. I did a lot of this when I was 13, but taking care of my grandfather was not one of them. She was so full of joy and he was so glad to hear to the story of Jesus. After our conversation, we prayed together, shared hugs and tears and then walked away.
The next visit didn’t get any easier. Just a few doors down, we met Oscar. We walked into his store, cluttered with anything from food, candy, soap, bags, you name it he had it. Among the clutter, I felt the brokenness of Oscar’s heart. I knew this man needed Jesus, but I was already battling with the language barrier, and I was spiritually, mentally and physically exhausted, what more did God want me to do. He asked me to ask Oscar why he didn’t have time for His son. In obedience I listened and this is what he said, He didn’t have time for Jesus, because he was still mourning the loss of his son. His sons’ motorcycle was stolen and after attempting to get it back he was shot killed. The police were able to get his bike back and it now sits in Oscars’ shop. As he told his story, his eyes filled up and tears slowly trickled down. He was living life alone, had no help with his shop and couldn’t give up any time that may interrupt business. This shop was now his livelihood. In that moment my heart broke for a complete stranger. He missed his son but longed for a relationship with Jesus. Again we prayed, and walked away. Walked away completely drained. No thoughts, no words, no emotions.
I said good bye to the pastor and those we ministered with, got on the bus and left. That 40 minute bus ride felt like an eternity. The world stopped. In that moment I was desperate to hear from God as if he owed me an explanation but all I got was silence.
Throughout this month, I am learning that I cannot fix these people’s problems nor can I mend their hearts, that the weight of this world is not my responsibility but my Father. He reminded me that their burdens and struggles are His battles to fight, not mine but in obedience, I can bring love and hope to the people of this world. It is only my job to plant seeds this year, and on occasion I will be blessed to reap the harvest.
“I, the Lord watch over it, I water it continually, I guard it day and night so that no one may harm it” -Isaiah 27:3
A reminder that the Lord will continue to grow and watch over his children, no matter their circumstance.
