“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” Matthew 11:28-29
I am a planner, I always have been. I love lists, I love highlighters, and I love post-it notes. All through college, my planner was color-coded by each class and specific activities. I make grocery lists to go to the store. I make packing lists for every trip, even if it is just for a night. I like to know what is going on when it comes to trips and schedules. I cannot function without being a planner, it is just impossible.
I knew going into the Race I would need to change this, well at least alter it and lighten how much I need to be a planner. At training camp, we had a daily schedule which was always subject to change and was not always accurate time wise, but it helped me to know at least the general plan for the day. I had started to learn to not need to be such a planner to function.
At the beginning of the Race, I thought the planner in me was slowly going away. I was content to know a general schedule for the week, for the day, for whatever we were doing. Travel days were more difficult. I struggled to not know the plan, but I pushed through it and just dealt with it. I knew eventually I would learn to be okay with not knowing. After all, it is the life of a World Racer!
This week, right around the 15th, marks the halfway point of the Race. It has been five and a half months since I left U.S. soil, and five and a half months until I return. At launch, Adventures staff really encouraged us to not plan for life after the Race until at least month nine, if not later. But the planner in me has struggled with not knowing about life after the Race.
In the last couple of days, things have started to fall into place for returning. I did not really intend them to, but they have. I will be going back to nannying for the same family, something I cannot imagine not doing. A long-time friend wants somewhere more permanent to live in Bellingham and asked if we could live together. All of this just seems too perfect for me! I will have such a strong community to go back to after living in such strong community for eleven months. I have a church to go back to that feels almost exactly like church in Africa where several alum Racer friends attend. I will have my crossfit gym and community to go back to. I will be in the happiest place in the world, home.
However, with things like this coming up and me being so transparent with my teammates, I shared with several of them what was happening. I mentioned having talked to several friends from home about all of this. At team time, a teammate brought this up as constructive feedback. She highly encouraged me that before I go to teammates and before I go to friends about anything, to take each and every thing to the Lord.
Immediately, I knew this was true. In any situation – something exciting, something frustrating, something upsetting – I have always been quick to reach out to several specific people before I even really think about it for myself let alone before I take everything to the Lord.
Today in my daily devotional, the bible verse was quite plain and clear. “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” [Matthew 11:28-29] Sometimes God is quite simple in showing me what needs to be heard.
Seeking discernment from the Lord is something I have not really ever done before, which sounds so bizarre being five and a half months into a life-changing mission trip where I should be seeking discernment in everything. But in reality, seeking discernment and taking things to the Lord is just something I have never understood how to do. It is something I want to learn and be confident in.
At the beginning of the Race, I set out to help change the world. But in reality, when I sat down to write this blog I realized the majority of the blogs I have written have been about what I have learned. I wanted to change the world, but let’s be real, the world is changing me in more ways than I could have imagined.
