Two days ago I had completely given up on meeting the launch deadline. I had 48 hours left and was much too far away to even imagine meeting the deadline. I admitted defeat, I let the frustration sink in, I thought I understood why I would now leave in January.
I began to mentally brainstorm everything that now needed to be done to launch four months later than planned. The list was overwhelming – renewing my passport, finding somewhere to live, finding work, changing my one-way ticket to Atlanta for launch to go back to training camp in October, realizing I would have to re-do training camp.
I was emotional and struggling to process why Abba would throw this barrier at me two weeks before launch. I never once cried, but I experienced just about every other emotion – frustration, happiness, sadness, small bits of anger, and everything in between.
I called squadmates and explained how I was feeling. I talked to alum racers and explained how I was feeling. I journaled and tried to process how I was feeling. I finally talked to Abba about it and tried to explain how I was feeling but remained confused. I felt defeated; I knew I would leave in January.
I had semi made peace about leaving in January. I listed all the silver linings with launching in January – the whole regular season of Seahawks football, a Washington fall, hot apple cider season, pumpkin picking, being home for the holidays, four more months with my best friends, the trees changing colors, more hiking, burning fall and winter scented candles, finding stronger church community with alum racers in my area, more time to fundraise. The silver linings seemed fantastic!
And then HOPE happened.
Kristin Renee, my mobilizer at Adventures, emailed me back and said that she didn’t want financial reasons to be the reason I deferred. So she being amazing decided to extend my deadline for one extra week. She encouraged me to reach out to my whole squad and let them know what was happening.
This morning I posted on our squad facebook wall what was going on. Within just a couple hours, my squad had showered me with love. Several squadmates flat out told me they would see me at launch because I’m leaving in September. Others contributed financially to my account. I was mind-blown that these humans I spent ten days of my life with in July could love me so well.
Over those couple hours this morning, the defeated feeling shrunk and hope rose up. Hope that Abba’s will is still for me to leave in September, hope that this deadline will be crushed in the next week, hope that this roller coaster ride of fundraising is looking up.
An eleventh hour situation.
The latest possible time before it becomes too late.
Over the next week, I will spend a great amount of time in prayer that God will show up big, that he’ll flood my account with funds, that his will is done. Abba is going to use this next week to shape me and to continue to teach me to lean into him.
I used to think I could shape the circumstances around me,
but now I know that Jesus uses the circumstances to shape me.
Love Does || Bob Goff
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.
Proverbs 3:5-6
Throughout all of these crazy emotions these last couple days, I spent some time journaling today. I brainstormed lessons that Abba could be teaching me in this eleventh hour situation. Here’s what I came up with:
– that God’s will is best
– that I’m constantly going to be surprised by His plans
– that it’s okay to ask for help
– that being defeated is just another feeling, it shouldn’t be all consuming
Right now, on Friday evening, another $1,170 needs to be donated to my account
to be cleared to launch.
If you feel called to help be the change across the nations,
click the “support me” button and help me reach my launch deadline to launch with W Squad in September.
