The very first day that I entered the gates of the orphanage in Manila, I was greeted by a young looking girl with crazy hair and an even crazier looking furball in her right arm (a smelly dog by the name of Pepito). I remember her kind of just staring, trying to figure out who we we or why we were there. I’m assuming now that that happens quite frequently. From the looks of her, I guessed she was 10. I began asking questions to get to know her, or at least know her name. “What’s your name?” (Silence) “C’mon, I’m Kristen! Now what’s yours?” (Silence–with added laughter this time). She wouldn’t talk to us, she just kinda laughed and flopped Pepito around. I think that dog has just about given up on life. Finally one of the little girls came outside and began talking to us. After a little while I asked what this silly girls name was that was scared to talk to us. The little girl told me her name was Maricel (I butchered how to say it about 15 times after). Maricel began laughing. I then really wanted to know how old she was, or what were some of her favorite hobbies, etc. The little girl proceeded to tell me that Maricel was 21 years old and would be 22 in December. I turned to Maricel and surprisingly said “you’re 21?!” And she just laughed and nodded yes. I didn’t believe her to be honest. Finally Maricel started to warm up and say small words or phrases like “yes, no, I don’t know”. “I don’t know” is her favorite. I don’t know what it was about this girl that I felt a tug towards. She isn’t like the cute little girls everyone gravitates to, she smells bad, she doesn’t really talk to you, and half the time you think she thinks you’re a complete weirdo but for whatever reason I knew that this was the girl God had put in my life for the short season I would be in Manila. She was going to teach me something. I was meant to love this girl.
The next day I walked through the gate and there was Maricel, with her towel slung over her right shoulder and Pepito in the other hand. She yelled “Tita!” and waved. I later found out that Tita translates to Aunt in English. I was excited that she at least remembered my face. All I wanted by the end of that trip was for her to call me by my name just once.
The next few weeks I would go see Maricel. Most of the days we wouldn’t do much of anything. We would sit in the treehouse, paint nails, listen to Frozen songs on repeat, and she would listen to me talk about wedding plans or how hot it was there. Most of the time I would ask her questions, she would laughingly say “I don’t know” and then I would answer for her. I would try to get her to get up and dance or talk about boys but she mainly just enjoying hanging out–my kinda gal.
I struggled a lot while being in Manila, feeling like I wasn’t serving much of a purpose there. Sometimes, actually most of the time, I felt more in the way than I was a help. I didn’t feel like many of the kids appreciated me there and I just began getting kinda down. Isn’t that silly to think I wanted to feel appreciated? As if these kids loving me was the goal versus showing them the love of Christ (youch, conviction). I would look at Maricel and wonder what her story was or why she couldn’t speak. A few days before I left, I found out from a squad mate that Maricel had been there for almost 12 years. When she showed up, she could not speak at all and couldn’t use the restroom. Actually, they said she just started saying the few words she says now within the past year or so. Many signs of long term neglect.
I would say I love you at least 5 times when I would see her and I taught her what a pinky promise was. She would hold up her pinky every time I left for the day making me promise I would be back. I knew leading up to the goodbye that it was going to be a rough day. I figured for me mainly.
Yesterday I went to go say bye to Maricel. We sat in the treehouse for a couple hours just talking and listening to Mat Kearney. Went I told her I was leaving, she turned away from me. She would not look me in the eye. All of a sudden, she broke into tears. I actually didn’t know what to do. I had never seen her this way and never expected her reaction. She coddled her eyes in her hands and wiped away tears before they could run down her cheek, hoping that I wouldn’t be able to tell she was crying. All of the times I had told her I loved her she never said I word back, but right then in that moment. I knew that was her way of saying “I love you too”. I sat there for about 20 minutes and we hugged, both in tears.
It tears me up to think about Maricel sitting on those steps by herself years from now, or secretly hoping I will show up tomorrow. God helped show me that love doesn’t have any expectations. You can’t always see before your eyes the impact you make on someone’s life. I bet you Maricel has no idea how much she changed my heart.
My time in Manila was a roller coaster. I had good days and bad days, just like I would at home. Now my team and 3 others are headed in a long bus ride to Tacloban to help with the super typhoon devastation that still exists from last years storm “Yolanda”. Wifi will be little to non there so remember, “No news is good news”. Please be praying for my squad both in tacloban and those staying in Manila. I am so excited to see what The Lord has in store for these next 2 months.
With so much love,
K
