Being a Christian is hard. Being a Christian in today’s day and age is harder. But being a Christian when the world around you is not is the hardest. I’m not talking about the people who say they don’t believe in Christ, at least they practice what they preach. I’m talking about the ones who say they do, but live the opposite.
A hypocrite. I used to be that person, the one that always knew the right thing to say to make others around her believe she was one way, when really she was trapped and living in bondage to the world around her. I would claim I was a Christian but never really understood grace. I never took the time to truly dwell in Gods Word and learn His promises, yet I would post status updates saying, “I TRUST IN GOD” “HE IS ALL I NEED” or my all time favorite “GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME” Sunday mass was simply enough for me. I was your typical hypocrite because my actions didn’t line up with Gods perfect Word. To put it simply, I didn’t know what I truly believed even though the words coming forth from my lips were biblical, my actions were anything but. I would say one thing but do another. I said I trusted in God yet became flustered in the face of adversity. I would say I put God first, yet made selfish decisions that benefited only me. I said God was all I needed, yet ran to my mom or a best friend for advice when something went wrong. I said God is always good, yet questioned and became bitter towards His ways. I was exactly where the enemy wanted me to be and I didn’t even know I was headed down the pathway to hell.
Until, one day…I NEEDED GOD. Disaster struck and my life became a whirlwind that I could I could no longer control in my own power. I needed God more than I needed popularity. I needed Him more than I needed to study for my next college exam. I needed him more than alcohol and parties, more than a man and best friends. I needed God more than my image, more than my busy schedule, more than the people-pleaser in me even cared to admit. I knew I needed Him, in a tangible way that I only believed was true for a very selective few individuals I once learned about in religion class. It wasn’t until God was all I had that I realized God was all I will ever need.
I am guilty of being the “hail mary pass” prayer type. I would pray when all else failed I would say, “Well, I guess all there is left to do is pray” just like the football quarterback throwing the final pass to his wide receiver 60 yards away with 2 seconds left in the game. It was an almost impossible task left as the last resort, and that is exactly how I prayed. I wasn’t expectant, I didn’t trust God could and would really answer my prayers, but I still prayed them anyway covered with doubt and fear, shame and guilt, worry and confusion…I still prayed them. I would say prayers like, “God if you are really there…I need you. God show me you are around. God send me a sign. God do this for me and do that for me.” But I didn’t truly understand God’s character or his mighty power until my process of sanctification all began. The process of dying to “I”, to myself, my selfish wants, & my flesh so that The Great I AM could live in me.
It didn’t begin as a monumental moment at the time, it began as a choice. I had to decide what did I believe. Not what did the world tell me to believe, not what did my parents believe, not what did that self-help book believe…BUT WHAT DID I BELIEVE?!?!? So, I made a choice to SURRENDER my life and my plans for HIS. A choice to focus on The Creator instead of the creation (me). This choice followed another choice to STOP living as the world expected me to live, then another to STOP striving for perfection in the form of worldly gain, followed by another choice to STOP letting others define who I am, and to STOP believing the lies that were circulating all around me. When I made that first choice to surrender it all and truly see God as The Savior that He is, the rest of my choices were made by the power of The Holy Spirit living inside me. My flesh wanted to flee from this whole “Christian thing”, but The Spirit in me ran as fast as it could towards The Heavenly Father, knowing that was the only place of refuge to be FREE.
“The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, My God, my rock, in whom I take refuge; My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.” -Psalm 18:2
It was a choice that would forever change the course of my life, and it didn’t start when I became “a better person.” It started the moment I acknowledged I was a fallen and broken person, living in a broken world, and striving for perfection, yet gaining absolutely nothing. THAT is when God met me right where I was at. He didn’t wait for me to be more holy, more giving, more kind, and selfless. No…He met me in my state of brokenness and brought me out of the darkness into the glorious light. He did that so that I couldn’t boast in my own doing at the person I am today. It was not by my might, but by His. I am who I am because I AM lives in me.
“And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son.” -John 14:13
I give ALL the glory to God because HE is the one that transformed my mind, which transformed my thoughts and my desires, which transformed my actions and the way I live, which in turn transformed my life. I am who I am because I AM lives in me.
“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–his good, pleasing and perfect will.” -Romans 12:2
It wasn’t an easy process, it was difficult and still is difficult at times. There are days when I want nothing more than to live like the world, but the Holy Spirit that dwells inside my heart won’t allow me to, and that is the gift of being saved. I have a savior who didn’t wait for me to climb the latter and become “good” to reach him, but instead He said I have a better way. I will send down a man, he will be like you, and he walk among you so that you can never say He didn’t understand my pain and hurt, because this man will undergo the ultimate sacrifice of death on a cross, because that is how much He cares and loves you. THEN he will leave behind something far greater than himself on earth, He will leave behind his presence forever in the form of the Holy Spirit, that if you chose to let His spirit in, you will NEVER, EVER be the same ~
“If you love me, keep my commandments. I will pray to the Father, and he will give you another Counselor, that he may be with you forever,–the Spirit of truth, whom the world can’t receive; for it doesn’t see him, neither knows him. You know him, for he lives with you, and will be in you. I will not leave you orphans. I will come to you. Yet a little while, and the world will see me no more; but you will see me. Because I live, you will live also. In that day you will know that I am in my Father, and you in me, and I in you.” – John 15:20
My prayer for you is that you humble yourself before God, let him into those areas that you so desperately want to be freed from, then allow the power of the Holy Spirit to take over. Let go and let God. Allow PERFECT LOVE to cast out all fear. Be real with God, He loves the broken and hurting because that is where His glory shines the brightest, through the cracks within our lives. He loves the real and raw because He can take the ashes and turn them into something beautiful. Listen to the nudging of the Holy Spirit in your life and allow Him to lead and direct you. Dwell often on the I AM that lives in you, die to yourself daily so that HE may shine through you. May we be Christians who represent Christ every moment of every day and who truly live from His approval and not for it. May others come to know Christ through our actions and learn more of His characteristics by obeying His word as followers of Christ. After all, that IS His will for us: to love God and make Him known. It’s as simple and as difficult as that. In our own power it’s impossible, but through the power of the Holy Spirit it becomes a possible task just waiting to unfold.
~I am who I am because I AM lives in me~
