I often times overwhelm myself with the amount of need that is in this world. The number of children that die of starvation…all the girls that are sold into sex trafficking…some as young as the age of 6. I think about all the tragedies that people face day to day…and how I….I’ve been so selfish, so closed minded. Taking so many things for granted. People overseas, more often than not, look at America and call it “the land of the free” but really so many people are trapped in the prison cells of their own minds. So consumed with themselves, their worries, desires and pleasures. Hear me out…I’m not saying this to try to make anyone feel convicted or guilty. I’m sharing my most sincere heart with you when I say…I had numbed my soul to the brokenness of this world. Self consumed in my own prison cell…
but Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost, but now I’m found, was blind but now I see.
My soul has been awakened, pierced with the striking light that is Jesus Christ. My heart has been unveiled and consumed with His love for me. “Jesus loves you.” I’ve heard this so many times and yes it’s true! He loves you, He loves me…that is His character, He is love. But when He pulls back that curtain in your heart…and the Holy Spirit fills you up head to toe, and you feel Him so close it is as if you can touch His face…the sentence “Jesus loves you.” Takes on a whole different meaning and impact. When you know Him, not just know about Him but know Him…that is the difference between religion and relationship. Seeking miracles vs. seeking love. That is when a life is changed.
All of a sudden, the reality of eternity hits you and the things that seemed so important before all of a sudden don’t matter anymore. And you have this truth in your heart, that Jesus is alive, that He died for you, that He rose from the dead and one day He is coming back. All of a sudden these phrases you grew up hearing, are no longer just phrases to you, their your reality.
As I have fallen more and more in love with my savior, getting to know Him more. My desires have changed and my eyes are no longer the same. My soul is awakened and I see all the overwhelming needs. My heart breaks…form all the hurt that I see and feel around me. And I think “God what do I do? I feel as if I’m trying to empty an ocean with a water dropper.” I become discouraged because I know I am only one women…with little resources. I get eager, wanting to feed every homeless person I see, cloth every naked child, pray for every sick person. But then I read the gospels…and I see that Jesus tended to stop, for one person. Yes, Jesus performed miracles and I believe those same miracles can happen today, but one life, is just as important as 5,000. He reminded me this in such a beautiful, tangible way in Cambodia.
My team was teaching English in Cambodia as part of our ministry. There were 3 classes so we partnered up in pairs of 2, Jordan was my partner. Abby and Meg had a class before us and had about…15 to 20 kids. I sat in one of the pews in the church, eager and excited to see how many kids we would have! 7:30 came around, and only two kids showed up for our class, they were brothers. A little discouraged, I looked out side to see if any kids might have been waiting..or were a little late. But no, just the two. It was the first day of classes, so Jordan and I decided to just sit in the pews with them and have simple conversations. Learning about them as well as gauging how well their English was.
We learned that they were 14 and 15 years old. The youngest one was learning Chinese (he used this as an excuse a lot when it came to him speaking English) and the oldest one really wants to go to a university, but doesn’t think he can because their family is poor. My heart broke when he said this, understanding the feeling…”with Jesus, anything is possible.” I said with the most genuine heart, being a true testament to that when it comes to not being able to pay for school and having faith and God providing. (And the Race! Less than $3,000 away from being fully funded!)
How he responded took me back…”They say Jesus is a liar.” My breath was swept form my lips, and all I could do was look into his eyes…and see all the hurt, sadness and anger. In that moment, God gave me insight to how so many people just seek the miracles that Jesus can do, and not the relationship He so desires. How people can put promises in God’s mouth that God never promised. You see it time and time again in the gospels.
“Jesus is truth.” I said gently “and he loves you more than you could ever know.” At the end of class we prayed, and I went to bed that night blown away at God’s sovereignty and how purposeful it was that we only got 2 kids that night. They were our ones, and that’s who God wanted Jordan and I to love for that one hour a day in English class. So we did, in any way God asked us to. We would pray to Jesus every night after class was over, but one night I forgot to pray. The older brother quickly stopped me before I left the room and said “Wait teacher! We pray?” My heart stopped, and I stood there in shock. “Oh!….Yeeesss.” I said stuttering, with a smiling creeping across my face. “We will pray.” It was in that moment I realized…I may not have been able to pay for his college, but I could teach him English, and love him everyday and pray for him and with him, and that planted a seed, and that seed God will water and grow.
Everyday life has purpose, and every life you encounter matters. A smile could change someone’s entire day. I have learned…to never overlook the small acts of love and kindness.
