“It sounds really awesome, but I don’t think it’s for me…”
Those were the last words I thought I’d speak about the World Race. I first heard about this crazy-person’s pilgrimage over a year ago when my friend’s sister Sarah and her husband Derek started posting all over facebook about this yearlong trip they were going on. My eyes are drawn to these types of daring adventures, especially when I’m slunk down into my office chair after 2 hours of staring at excel spreadsheets. So I scoped it out and soaked up all the exciting stories of faith, trusting God through financial struggles, and collecting all the necessities for a real-life, wanderlust-y experience.
My heart was longing for something like this; but my heart during this time was not in the right place. When I first heard about the race, I was in the middle of healing from a pretty dark season of my life. I had made some bad choices and had to deal with some very raw consequences. It was then that I would’ve set my mind on this trip in order to rush through the process of what God wanted to do in my heart in order for me to get on with the elusive “next step into my destiny”. Missions is a part of my calling on earth and I know that, but what good is it done my own way? I might’ve made a disaster of myself (let alone the people I might’ve served with) and would’ve just had to climb even further out of the hole I’d dug myself into. But God is a good Father, so He put it to the back of my mind for the time being and made sure I knew that my next step was “just wait”.
So I waited. And waited. I even suggested the World Race to a few other people I knew because they fit the “mold” much better than I did: looked like Bear Grylls, had hiked the entire Pacific Crest Trail, had been on like 786 missions trips… all great. Not me. “It sounds really awesome, but I don’t think it’s for me…”
But as God healed me and reminded me all over again of who I am and what I’m capable of when I’ve got Him backing me up, He brought the Race back to the front of my mind at just the right time. One day after feeling like bursting out into song like Belle in Beauty in the Beast, “THERE MUST BE MORE THAN THIS PROVINCIAL LIFE!” (but you know, picture it in a much more intense way), I came across a blog. It was so simply written, but it struck me deep in the part of my heart that was aching- the part longing to leap outside of myself and finally do something bigger. That was one of those alone days in my office that I just let go and bawled my eyes out at my desk because I knew- finally- God had said “This is for you.”
As much as the lies of the enemy would try to tell me there’s no way I can get through this journey, the whispered promise of the Lord drowns it all out. I know that this trip is going to be a stepping stone into the rest of my life, but on a down-to-earth level, it’ll be just plain hard. But it is SO going to be worth it. I’ve never been so sure and so afraid of something at the same time. That’s how I know it’s God because for this to work He has to come through, and He absolutely will.
Though this will be a year full of joy, tears, frustration, amazing friends, brokenness, restoration- ALL the feelings, my trust is in my Lord Jesus. I will be stretched beyond what I’ve ever experienced and that’s terrifying. But I know it will all be worth it to look back on this time and say without a doubt, “Jesus… this is for You.”
