Hello Family,
Well. I have been sitting here on my batteryless-which-may-or-may-not-have-over-heated-and-blown-out-of-my-macbook-pro-computer, wondering and tripping up over what my next blog should be about.
I have a confession. I have been so fearful of writing my thoughts and boring you with my terrible story telling skills and losing readers before I leave that I actually just keep putting off my blog postings. What would I write about? Should I be funny? Should talk about my first week of fundraising? What?
Questions. Fear. Anxiety. Welcome to the mind of me. What in the world is wrong with me?
Patience. A word I sometimes wonder if God has even given up on it by the way I always seem to lose sight of Him and my quick reflex to pull my victim card out. “God, if I was just a little bit stronger and less of a stress maniac, I would do more for you.” or, “God, if I was fearless in speech and maybe a little bit funnier, You know I could be that person you’ve call me to be.”
S e r i o u s l y ?
We both know that sounds ridiculous. Maybe, you have built up different “excuse” walls or decorated them with wallpapers of “what if’s,” or painted them with “that’s not my personality.” The reality is in the midst of extreme patience, God pulls a lesson out of our insecurity and discomfort. This is how God has taken my paralyzing fear and opened my eyes to see and my heart to feel His extravagant and fearless love.
Love. Too cliche?
What about a Love that requires sacrifice to have the unique ability to truly love. A perfect Love that can never be overcome, knows and fears no end. A continuous Love that is rebuilding our walls of fear into conduits of compassion and hope. A Love powerful in might to change history and gentle enough to comfort a crying child. That is the Kingdom of God. A renovation of Love that is always rebuilding and expanding our hearts to love greater and reach further. This is a powerful revelation of God’s active finger in our lives today.
The idea I am eventually getting to is not about the faults I bring to the table or who I think I am that desperately seeks salvation. The idea is God just wants to ravish me in His perfect and consuming love and allow others to experience the same through me. Life transformation and miracles are the manifestation of His love toward us personally. Yes, the miracle brings glory and honor to the Miracle maker but, Jesus wants to captivate our eyes with His light. He longs for us to feel deep within our souls His reckless power of healing that touches beyond what is broken and satisfies our longing for freedom and life. In hope that this light ignites a world.
This is the Gospel. A scandalous story of Grace, so undeserving yet pursues us relentlessly. A love affair that ended in a brawl to the death over my excuses, my fears, my walls that didn’t even exist until 2013 years later. I stand empty and with nothing to offer in return for this great love. The affair doesn’t end there. Love conquered all and light defeated the darkness. Love shook the earth. Love overcame death. New life was born within our renovated hearts. I choose to allow my hands, my heart, and my mind, no matter the selfish struggle, make Jesus known by the way He continues to use all of me, imperfect and unfinished to glorify His love.
Religion that never affects our hearts is a form of legalism. I forget how easy it is to allow fear to close my heart off from love. But Jesus came so we could have the ministry of reconciliation not self promotion and finger pointing. Our love cannot be one of building walls that says we are right and you are wrong. We’re not the rule makers of the Kingdom of God. His love is about about a relationship, His love is a touch, a hand reaching out and rescuing us. We are to do the same, not out of obligation, but out of a renovated heart that continues to be shaped and prepared to love more and be loved more.
Let your love, God, shape my life
with salvation, exactly as you promised;
Then I’ll be able to stand up to mockery
because I trusted your Word.
Don’t ever deprive me of truth, not ever—
your commandments are what I depend on.
Oh, I’ll guard with my life what you’ve revealed to me,
guard it now, guard it ever;
And I’ll stride freely through wide open spaces
as I look for your truth and your wisdom;
Then I’ll tell the world what I find,
speak out boldly in public, unembarrassed.
I cherish your commandments—oh, how I love them!—
relishing every fragment of your counsel.
P S A L M 1 1 9
God, let Your heaven invade our earth, our worlds and our hearts. Will You allow the signs of love to be magnificent and visible to the hearts around us and show us the ones that have harden themselves to any and all love. May we be used for Your Kingdom glory on earth as it is in Heaven, that they can radically experience You and the indescribable love You have for us all.
