Home. I’m home. I’ve been home for two weeks and I’m loving most of it.
My last month in Malaysia was a strange month. It seemed much like normal American life. We volunteered at a hospital where we clocked in and clocked out. Church was optional. There were so many malls with Starbucks, H&M, Chili’s and more. We had Facebook, e-mail, and every other website at our fingertips. Christmas was being put up everywhere. There were hikes and national parks. It all seemed pretty normal.
But for me, it was everything but normal. You see, my normal had become daily worship dates with Jesus and journaling prayer. My normal had been conversations about what God was speaking to me about or vice versa. My normal WASN’T spending all my time at the mall, sleeping in on Sundays, or putting my will above all else.
Don’t get me wrong, volunteering (ministry) was great and we really saw God move in ministry. But for me, my normal disappeared.
After ministry for the race was over and final debrief was about to start, a friend from another team said to me in conversation, “So you’re doing good spiritually?” I honestly hadn’t given it much thought during the month. And in that moment, it hit me. I hadn’t chosen worship. I hadn’t chosen prayer. I hadn’t chosen God. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to choose it.
Life became so consistent, so normal, so routine. And in the routine, I forgot everything that God had taught me the months prior. I worshipped when we were at PenHOP but not alone with just me and Jesus. I prayed during team time or when instructed to but not on my own. I chose to sleep in on Sunday instead of choosing church (which is ok sometimes J).
In the two months prior to Malaysia, God spoke to me a lot about prayer and worship. I tasted something that I had never tasted before. I was experiencing more of God. I was dependent on Him and I was learning to dwell with Him. My soul longed for it. In those two countries, worship or prayer were always on my mind. I was experiencing so much it was just natural. In Malaysia, it wasn’t natural. It was my choice to chose it because it didn’t just happen like it did in the two months prior and I wasn’t choosing it.
