I don’t want to read my bible, I don’t want to pray, I don’t want to blog, it seems most days this month I don’t want to do really of anything. It feels if I have no strength to do anything. I’m spiritually exhausted…. Where is my passion??? It has seemed to elude me….
How do I get it back???
Last month in India was a whole different story; it was as though I had been lit on fire by The Holy Spirit and let loose. We would go into villages to give our testimonies and proclaim the gospel and many got saved and set free and I witnessed God healing people miraculously. I was hungry for the things of God and His presence showing up continuously. India is a country that changed my walk with Christ and my life forever……but where is
that hunger now?
At the end of last month all of P-squad gathered for squad retreat while all the leaders went off to Hyderabad for leader training and then the rest of the squad would meet up with them a couple days later at the Hyderabad Airport ready to fly to Nepal.
During those few days of squad retreat it was a chance for everybody to unwind and rest and to reflect on our time in India.
The second day I was there, I was trying to take a nap in the blistering India heat and lying in a puddle of my own sweat, something miraculous happened. Something that on a human and natural level it would be impossible and if you were to talk about it openly, people would think you have lost all your marbles. This is something I had started praying for a long while ago….
The God of the universe and the maker of the heavens and earth called out to me in an audible voice, as freaky and not believable as that sounds, it happened. He called me by name!!! I knew what had just happened. I was wide awake and there was nobody else in the room with me. I knew it was the all-powerful and loving voice of my Father in Heaven……I just knew. He answered my prayer; a loving Daddy in heaven heard my cry to hear Him. He came through for me, a major prayer of mine through this whole year has been Increase my faith Lord and I believe but help my unbelief…
You would think after all that happened to me in India I would be lit on fire this month and ready to charge the gates of Hell with a fire hose, but that just isn’t the case with me right now. I can only imagine this is a normal occurrence on a journey like this, having a loss of passion for God. I just hadn’t anticipated I would be in that place and spiritually exhausted in month 5 in Nepal where less than 1.5% of people know Jesus.
I have 6 1/2 more months to go on the race and I know one thing is for certain, I have to get out of this funk and attitude that I’m in right now….I need to get my fiery passion back.
Those who read this I would just ask of you to cover me in prayer and that God would light me up again and that the power, presence and fire of God would overtake me and my life. That’s cry of my heart right now.
Jeremiah 33:3
Call to me and I will answer you and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.
