I’ve come to the realization that, for me, I never understand what God is doing in my life until months or even years after the fact. I’m sure a lot of people feel this way, however I think I have it bad, mainly to do with the fact that I don’t really sit down and reflect on what is actually happening. With that being said, I’ve decided that this being such a pivotal moment in my life, I should probably step back and realize what God is actually doing with me. Then I realized, what is He doing??
The answer is pretty obvious, its all about the World Race, duh. To be honest, there’s been so much going on lately that I’ve been losing the bigger picture. I’m worried about so many other things, when I should be focused on my trip. So I stepped back and tried looking at my life from God’s point of view. I won’t bore you with all the tiny details such as, leaving work, breaking up, moving away, etc. So I’ll skip to the broad view, which is what I’ve been trying to do anyway.
People have asked me, “Are you sure you’re supposed to go on this trip? I mean, obviously you want to go, but are you sure this is where you’re supposed to be?” Sadly, I had never actually sat down and thought about whether this is what God wants me to do, or if it was just something that I want to do. When I look back at the series of events that have occurred within the past few months, I realize it all happened for the sake of going on this trip.
For example: joining life group with Shauna, meeting Kim at Life Group (the girl who told me about the World Race who never came back to life group), somehow finishing my application (it took me MONTHS to finish), being accepted (obviously), my boyfriend breaking up with me, my lease ending just in time, and still having a month to spend at home with my family before I leave. Looking back, all the dots connect. Everything lined up. And for the longest time I was so focused on the tiny details, I didn’t sit back and realize what God was doing in my life.
Stepping back even further and looking at the past six years of my life I am able to see an even bigger picture of my life. I realized that while i grew up in a Christian home and I thought I had a relationship with God, in reality I didn’t. I thought that by doing and saying all the right things that meant my relationship with God was REALLY good. After training camp and being baptized at Easter I realize now what it means to truly have a relationship with God, and that the relationship I had growing up wasn’t a relationship it was a lifestyle. Now, I can’t stop talking about God, I’m praying from the heart and am truly pursuing Him, not because I know I should be, but because I want to be.
So the bigger picture is even bigger than just going on the World Race. God has been using the past 6 years to transform my life. The World Race just happened to be apart of that transformation process for me…luckily =]
