I have never been much of a procrastinator until this past week. The stalling has been full of excitement, fear, doubt, anger, and anticipation. I leave for a 10 day Training Camp tomorrow for the World Race. (More information on Training Camp can be found here: https://www.worldrace.org/?tab=about&subtab=training-camps ) I knew when my bag would be packed, the reality of going to Training Camp and the Race would be real. I would have to start to say good bye to my best friends and would be able to count the number of times I would see my parents before I left the country on one hand. It meant the Race that once seemed so far way, was getting so close.
I am excited to go to Training Camp because I am finally going to have questions answered about so many unknowns I have about the Race. But for some reason, as I watched my squad mates (others who I will be traveling with next year) post pictures of themselves packing and explaining how excited they were for Training Camp, it only made me feel more unqualified and nervous.
I doubted if I had bought the right equipment as well as my health and packing skills. I could go on and on with the worries that were filling my head which made me so angry. I started to take my anger out on my friends for no good reason, just because I was scared and not ready to leave my home.
God then reminded me of something. Over the past few weeks He has been teaching me about darkness and how it is not always bad to be in a “funk”. In Psalm 91, David reminds us that being in shadow or in a dark place is not necessarily a bad thing because God is the light.
“Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the Lord, ‘He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.’” Ps. 91:1-2
“Let the King of my heart be the shadow where I hide.”
-John Mark Mcmillan, King of my Heart
“In the darkness I dance, in the shadow I sing, the joy of the Lord is my strength”
-Rend Collective, Joy of the Lord
Even though I may be sad and scared, I pray that being in this shadow still glorifies God because He is the Almighty loving God that is shining His light around me.
Through this, God also reminded me that I do not have to know what to pray for. I have been talking to God about so many things around saying goodbye and Training Camp that I have lost focus, but I think God sees that as beauty. The spirit intercedes for us as we pray, knows what to say, and translates it for us when we are a jumbled mess (Romans 8:26 inspired). Thanks Holy Spirit; I appreciate your help! 😉
So as I procrastinate packing just a little bit more by writing this blog, I ask for your prayers. Obviously I don’t even know what to pray for, but I am confident that God knows what I need on a physical, emotional, and spiritual level. Maybe a softened and open heart? Maybe acceptance for the next step in my journey? Maybe to slow down and not think so much?
Thank you so much for taking this journey with me. I am excited to share it with you for the next year. Comments are welcomed and loved! 🙂
