“Be still before the Lord and wait patiently.” Psalm 37:7
These are big instructions. The past month, God has been whispering to my heart, “Be still” and all I have wanted to do was rebel and run. I feel like I have been in the middle of the storm with so many things going on and God has just been whispering so gently this reminder to just be still. How am I supposed to be still when I am in the middle trying to figure out what seminary I want to go to? How am I supposed to be still when I am just starting to fundraise? How am I supposed to be still when in six weeks, I will perform a recital that is done all by myself? How am I supposed to be still when… you name it. And then He stated to whisper “Listen. Be still and listen”. Alright, now I have a little more direction. You have a year and a half to find a seminary so trust me. You practice two hours a day, so trust me. You have me, so trust me in your worries.
I was on a retreat with the local youth group last weekend and we were discussing what faith is. The definition we came up with was: Faith = trust + action. I made a cringey face which I thought I had kept to myself, but one of my youth saw it and asked me what that was for, in her sassy tone. I told her about my race and the money I was in the middle of raising. She told me that I had acted but I needed to trust so that I had faith that God will come through. That, my friends, is how I was taught by an eighth grader how to have faith in God. She reminded me to let go and let God take over.
God has also been breaking down walls. There is a song by the band Super Chick and the chorus reads: “You need that boy like a bowling ball dropped on your head which means not at all.” God did not just break down walls, but He gave me this image of dropping a bowling ball on some of my fears and worries of asking people for help. God works through people so to do everything with him meant doing this race with other people. This took trust to get out of my comfort zone and step over the bulldozed wall.
While I was growing up, I programed myself to walk past the homeless because I figured they got themselves into their situation and so I should not worry about helping them. I figured many of them were probably lying anyways. Over my Christmas break, there were a few instances that God changed my heat for the homeless because I was willing to listen and be still. I was downtown in Durango Christmas shopping with my friend Amanda when we walked past a homeless person named Jessica. The second time, I was with my friend David on our way back from a Seminary visit in Texas when we met Chris. Both of the times, it was Amanda and David that initiated the conversation with the homeless. We were able to buy them warm drinks and something to eat and then we prayed with them. All they wanted were prayers for health and good people. How simple. I was reminded that they are people too. “Just be still and listen”, God kept saying. “It is not all about you”. I get so involved with what I am doing that I forget how simple life is.
In closing, I would like to share I prayer I wrote on the retreat I mentioned earlier.
Be still when the world is running.
Be still when worry is a drowning ocean.
Be still when fear is a choking reality.
Be still when you say you have faith, but it is doubt that has over taken.
Be still when the desire for control is a dictator.
Be still when you are uncertain if you want to surrender your desires and feelings.
Be still.
Lord we wait for you knowing that in your stillness, your smallest is bigger than our greatest. Even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like day for darkness is as light to you. (PS 139:12) We glorify your name to declare your goodness and mercy and rightness. Amen.
