I have to be honest. I didn’t recognize the call when it came – or rather I dismissed it pretty quickly. I never thought God made me for a long term mission trip. Short ones – absolutely – send me on as many as you can! Long ones, no, or at least not now. As I stated in my support letter “Didn’t God realize I was OLD???” that I have a lot of responsibilities? a job? a couple nieces I adore? a comfortable life??? Why in the world would He call me away from all of this? I admit that I told God He was out of His mind and then told Him politely no and to leave me alone.
Ah, but telling God something just makes Him smile and more persistent now doesn’t it? The feeling kept coming back. I’d read a blog and I would say the familiar “I would love to do this” but would add if I was 10 years younger. Then I’d dismiss it and go on with my comfortable life and I’d read a blog and it’d come back. This went on for about 18 months. I continued to dismiss God like a fly. I’d just brush Him off and move on.
In November I lost a very dear friend to cancer and it hit me harder than I expected. Then my small group began reading and studying the book Crazy Love by Frances Chan. During this time God was speaking to me loud and clear. What am I doing with my life? I asked myself if this was all there was. I could not get the trip out of my mind. I woke up in the middle of the night blogging. You have to understand – I do not write and I do not journal – yet I would wake up at 3 am with an entire blog written. My days were consumed with the Race. My sleep was restless and my stress was high. I finally knew I couldn’t go on like this. Not eating or sleeping could not continue without consequences and I knew I needed to talk with someone about this. But I was afraid to say any of this out loud. I knew that if I said it out loud that it would happen because I knew in my heart and deep in my soul I was supposed to do this. Talking about this would make me accountable to someone and that scared me.
So I finally talked to my friend Mark. God has blessed me with him and I absolutely love and trust him. He was the first person I talked to about this and He just looked at me and said you haven’t really given me a good reason why you shouldn’t do this. He challenged me that day and in the days that followed. Was I living for the Kingdom and eternity or for myself? Was I going to trust God that He would help me get everything done before I left? Was I going to have faith that God would provide a job when I returned? Or would I just continue on the way I was and regret making an impact for the Kingdom? Within two weeks of talking with him I applied, was accepted, had my interview and my one on one. Very overwhelming, but I know that I know that I am meant to go on this trip. Once I was obedient to God, peace came and God began putting everything in place. Jeremiah 29:11 keeps coming back to me over and over, “‘For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'”
I am looking forward to seeing how God will be working on me before the trip to prepare. I so want to be a blessing to others, but knowing how God works I will probably receive more than I could ever give.
