While I have been on the race, without the
option of being perused and watching on facebook as more and more of my peers
get engaged, married, and have children, the “singleness” of my life has become
increasingly more apparent. It doesn’t help that in almost all other cultures
around the world it is very strange for a 25-year-old woman to be unmarried.
But through all of this, God is showing me the beauty of singleness. Many great
people of the Bible were single, and there are several passages that even
promote the idea of being single. Here are some of those passages:
“For your Maker is your husband, the LORD
of hosts is his name; and the Holy
One of Israel is your Redeemer, the God of
the whole earth he is called.”
Isaiah 54:5
The disciples said to him, “If such is the
case of a man with his wife, it is better
not to marry.” But he said to them, “Not
everyone can receive this saying,
but only those to whom it is given. For
there are eunuchs who have been so
from birth, and there are eunuchs who have
been made eunuchs by men,
and there are eunuchs who have made
themselves eunuchs for the sake of the
kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able
to receive this receive it.”
Matthew 19:10-12
For in the
resurrection they neither marry nor are given
in marriage, but
are like angels in heaven.
Matthew 22:30
I want you to be free from anxieties. The
unmarried man is anxious about the things
of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But
the married man is anxious about worldly
things, how to please his wife, and his
interests are divided. And the unmarried or
betrothed woman is anxious about the things
of the Lord, how to be holy in body
and spirit. But the married woman is
anxious about worldly things, how to please
her husband. I say this for your own
benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you,
but to promote good order and to secure
your undivided devotion to the Lord.
1 Corinthians 7:32-35
Only let each person lead the life that the
Lord has assigned to him, and
to which God has called him. This is my
rule in all the churches.
1 Corinthians 7:17
That being said I would like to share my
heart and what God is showing me about the beauty and honor of a single life.
For as long as I can remember my deepest desire has been for my husband. I
believe that this is a God given desire and I look forward to the day that He
will bring us together. But as time has passed and years came and went without
meeting the man that God has for me, I began to get discouraged. I questioned
myself and I questioned God. Subtle hints and comments from well-intentioned
individuals have only spurred on doubt of myself and my desires.
But God, in His grace continues to remind
me that this is what I asked for. When I was around 16 years old I prayed and
asked God not to bring my husband into my life until He was number one in my
life. Needless to say, ‘be careful what you wish for’ has taken on very real
meaning to me. I tell you this because I want you to understand that God knows
our hearts far better than we do. I believe He prompted me to pray that prayer
reflecting the true desire of my heart, intimacy with Himself.
The beauty of singleness is hard to put
into words but Elisabeth Elliot says it well:
“My most earnest of all pleas to singles is
abandonment of the self, surrender to
Christ of all unfulfilled longings, an
unequivocal willingness to receive whatever
God assigns, and a determination to
practice the sacrificial principle of Isaiah
58:10-11. Life becomes not only far
simpler, but surprisingly joyful and free.”
“If you pour yourself out for the hungry
and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, then shall your light rise in the darkness and your
gloom be as the noonday. And the LORD will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in
scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden,
like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail.”
Isaiah 58:10-11
My intention is not to reduce the value of
marriage; I feel that both marriage and singleness are gifts from God and each
have their right place. Nor am I implying that I desire a single life
permanently. I absolutely believe that God created man and woman for each other
as is apparent in Genesis 2 (Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the
man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” Genesis 2:18) and
throughout scripture. I recognize that marriage is the norm, as it should be,
but I also recognize that there is no shame in being single and it is just as
much a gift from the Lord.
I write this to a few different audiences:
To those who are family and friends of single individuals (everyone I presume)
I encourage you to let go of any expectations or desires you may have for them
in terms of marriage or dating. To those of you who are content with singleness
and
are satisfied fully in your intimacy with God, I encourage you to continue in
that intimacy. Do not allow society or any other voices tell you that something
is wrong with you because you are unmarried. Have joy in the great gift the
Spirit has bestowed upon you! Finally, to those of you who desire a spouse,
know that your singleness is also a gift and maximize your time of complete and
full devotion to God. Know that you are not alone. Guard your heart and pray
fervently for your spouse and their walk with God. Trust God’s timing. I
recognize that this is not easy, I say these things and I am not all the way
there myself, but do not be discouraged because others are receiving the gift
you so desire. Your gift is not less desirable in the eyes of the Lord. Rather
let us “…encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are
doing” (1 Thessalonians 5:11).
And now I want to take a minute to
congratulate two of my very best friends and sisters Faith and Mary-Beth. (Both
are recently engaged.) I am so happy for you both and for the men that God has
put in your lives! You are both amazing women and I know that God is going to
reveal more of Himself to you and others through your marriages.
Many Blessings,
Kim
*This blog was inspired by David Platt’s
discussion on singleness at The Secret Church on November 4, 2011. I would
encourage everyone to take the time to listen to this message covering many
important topics such as marriage, sexuality, and family, from a Biblical
perspective.
