I came on the Race wanting to grow, change to look more like Him, become more responsible, and to become more excited about making disciples of all nations. I embarked on this journey looking forward to being someone different at the end of the Race. What I’ve been a little surprised at, is sometimes I’m not super passionate about spreading the Gospel. I’m surprised at how much of this trip has mostly been a personal journey of change.
It’s funny because I could totally write this blog with a somber tone–and maybe it will come across that way–but if anything I’m writing with excitement at the thought of the WR being a personal journey for me. I have been incredibly blessed to be a part of a trip that promotes an environment for growth, change, and vulnerability.
When you are around the same people 24/7, it’s like you’re surrounded by a bunch of mirrors–they reveal what you really look like. Eventually your true colors come out and people start pointing out–both in love and not in love–ugly different parts of you. Through this ongoing process you have the opportunity to surrender whatever “it” is to Him, and ask Him to invade your old fleshly habits in new ways.
This is known as “constructive feedback,” one of our favorite/not favorite buzz words. Both through constructive feed back, positive feedback, and being in a position of leadership, I feel like I’ve been placed in a setting where growth happens a lot faster than it could anywhere else (maybe I shouldn’t say that; I haven’t experienced marriage yet).
Its been so tough at times being in this kind of environment, but so worth it. If this is all I get out of the Race–change through feedback and being in leadership–I will be happy.
But, to go back to what I wrote in the beginning, I am slightly taken back at how sometimes I’m not super excited about doing the hands-on ministry. What the heck? I’ve discovered here on the Race that I am gifted in acts of service–especially when it comes to getting stuff done in the trenches–and I enjoy helping people. Why am I not super excited to be the hands and feet of Jesus in the spiritual trenches?
There’s probably a lot of small different factors that have contributed to me sometimes having feelings of apathy towards making disciples of all nations, and as I’m writing this I’m realizing that I am more so just processing for the first time than I am looking for answers.
The thought of doing long term overseas missions after the Race once excited me, but now what I long for the most is to be a part of a close knit community of believers. Maybe I’m not as introverted as I thought.
With that being said, I am truly currently living out the desires of my heart through the Race. But on top of that, life “out here” seems normal to me and sometimes even monotonous; I am passionate about this, but it’s also what I do everyday. So maybe the thought of doing “long term overseas missions” after the Race isn’t super exciting because it’s just life for me now–it’s not something romantic or magical.
I haven’t given up on serving Him overseas, I just am not as enthused as I once was–but I want to be. I want to see people experience Him for the first time, I want to see people be miraculously healed, I want to see the Holy Spirit move in ways that I’ve only heard of in stories. I want to want this trip to be more about spreading the Gospel.
So, if you would, please pray for me to have a new excitement and joy to spread HIS joy, love, and healing. I am continuing to press into Psalm 37:4, “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.”
Thanks!
Kevin
On another note, I got to meet up with some of my Colorado people! Way cool to hang out with them on the other side of the world!
