Here is one of my journal entries from September 24th, 2013:
“It is a beautiful morning here in Bucharesti. Right now it is 9:45 AM and I am sitting outside of the Doors Hostel at a wooden table beneath some pretty big trees.
These last three months have basically been a blur. Being a team leader has definitely had its ups and downs; there have been some very challenging moments where I thought ‘I don’t want to be a team leader anymore.’ But by His grace and mercy I/we overcame those tough times.
Now that those tough times have come and gone, I am actually thankful for them; I have grown most in the difficult times, and for that–and many other reasons–I am very glad that I was selected to be a team leader at training camp.
Last month in Bulgaria my team was paired with my friend Jeff and his team. Throughout the month I had a lot of opportunities to learn from Jeff since we lived together and dug trenches together.
Something that he said that has stuck with me is: ‘what if we were selected to be team leaders not because of our qualifications/strengths, but because of our weaknesses.’ In other words God put me in leadership not because I’m a great leader, but because He sees where I am lacking and wants to grow me in those areas.
Sure there are some leadership characteristics within me, but this perspective has taken the spotlight off of my strengths, and moved it to shine on my weaknesses. I believe that this was one of the big reasons why He made me a team leader.
Today I’m buying even more into that perspective of why I am in leadership.
Yesterday my squadmates Sarah Anne, Avery, and I got on a train in Draganesti-Olt headed for Bucharesti, where we met up with Jeff and our current squad leader.
After hanging out and eating at the golden arches in the train station for a little while, our squad leader then confirmed that the rumors were true: the four of us had been called to come to Bucharesti early to be offered the position of squad leaders.
We were given thirty minutes to make a decision to accept or decline. I knew right away that when people first started speculating about me being a squad leader, that if it was true, I needed to do it. Not because I have this roaring desire to help lead the squad, but because I believe that He wants to continue to grow me for the same reasons I was selected to be team leader.
So I said no to the offer. Just kidding. I actually don’t really remember what I said, but it was something like ‘yadda yadda I’ll do it.’
So here I am at a crossroad with the World Race end of month three, or really just past a crossroad since I have already made my decision.
This month I will–alongside the other three–be getting trained in what it looks like to lead fifty something people around the world.
I don’t really know what I’ve gotten myself into, but He does, and if God could use Moses to free His people from Egypt, I’m sure He can use a scrubb like me to help lead R squad. Prayers are more than appreciated.”
Also, something that’s pretty cool, my fellow squad leader Avery read this quote to me by J. Oswald Sanders after I shared that last part about Moses to her: ” When God calls us, we cannot refuse from a sense of inadequacy. Nobody is worthy of such trust. When Moses tried that excuse, God became angry (Exodus 4:14). Let us not pass the buck of leadership because we think ourselves incapable.” Word.
