A letter to my fellow man.
Men are traditionally thick headed. So this is going to be a real blunt and unapologetic letter. During my time in Malaysia, I was blessed with the opportunity to lead a group of guys. These were Godly men. And it was an absolute honor to spend 10 days with them and further figure out what it means to be a man of God. On this race, men are vastly outnumbered by the women. That makes for some tough and awkward situations. Sorry R squad ladies, I love you, but “manistry” was a nice break. No doubt you feel the same. It was just great to let lose and not worry about that dynamic.
Then the month ended, and I rejoined my team. We headed to Sri Lanka, and this is where the whole game changed. This was where I saw the contrast between what Godly men should look like, and what worldly men currently look like. None of what I’m about to say is revelatory. But the men some places around the world don’t seem to listen unless another man talks, so I’ll spell it out. Let’s start by talking about what not to do.
Do not “catcall” women. It happens here and in the states. It’s not flattering. It’s demeaning. Its sickening. You are not at a cattle auction yelling out your bid. No girl is going to fall in love with you by yelling “Hey you girl”. You have no idea what their history is with men. Here is a hint, “Their history is usually not good!”
Do not touch. You may be asking yourself, “Duh, in what part of the world is that ever appropriate?” Well…Sri Lanka for starters. So let’s set a good example and just not do it. Many women have been hurt by men. Horribly hurt. That isn’t a rarity. Christians and America are not immune from these abuses. Let’s just take it a step further. Do not touch with your eyes.
Do not “expect” anything. Don’t expect she wants to talk, dance, kiss, or anything else with you. She is strong, she is smart, she is not yours. And you are not irresistible, no matter how many times you tell yourself that in the mirror.
You may reply, “But Kevin, the Bible says…”
Just stop.
“But Eve started…”
Just stop!
There is no Biblical excuse for talking or treating a woman in any matter that is not absolute and unequivocal respect and love. Thats Biblical, deal with it.
So. There are some basic guidelines that I never thought I would have to say. Unfortunately all we can do as Christian men is be an example for the rest of the world. Here is what we can do.
Do honor them. It’s more than opening the door for them, or standing on the street side of the sidewalk. It’s more than “letting” them order for themselves. Because, yes, in some places that’s not allowed. It’s bigger than that. It’s about helping counter thousands of years of treating women like second class humans. It’s about helping women see themselves the way God sees them. Because men, including Christian men, have done a lot of damage.
Do learn from them. A lot of women are confusing to us guys. I often times don’t know what I did wrong, just that I did something wrong. I’m forgetful and rough around the edges. So doing something dumb isn’t a rarity for me. That being said, living in close community with women has taught me a lot. Ask not what you did to hurt them, but why it hurt them. What was the trigger? In what ways have you contributed to that? In what ways can you do better? I can genuinely say that after hearing some of these women’s stories, I have never been more humbled. They are so much stronger than I’ll ever be. The women of R squad are an awe inspiring bunch. And I do a real bad job of telling them that. But I’m learning. That’s the point.
Do love them. Do not put every girl into two categories. Date-able, and not date-able. You may not think you do it, but you probably do. Instead, look at every woman as friend and sister. How can you do better to right other men’s wrongs? How can you encourage them in their walk with Christ. How can you love them the way Jesus does?
Listen, I know most of the guys reading this won’t think it applies to them. It really does.Globally, men don’t treat women well. In the states, men are still oppressive just in different ways. So many women have been hurt by men. The numbers are staggering and honestly heart breaking. In many ways I’m a traditional “manly” guy. Nothing wrong with that. But through this perspective, I blinded myself to the realities that women are facing. And I’m ashamed that it took me going to Sri Lanka to see how much my sisters hurt. I have emotionally manipulated woman. Never been a particularly good boyfriend. And it took me all the way until the race for me to pursue friendships with woman just for the sake of having a friendship. I full heartedly apologize for my naivety. But living with these wonderful women is going to make me an infinitely better friend, husband, and man. I’m in your debt, and I’m sorry.
So, men, do better. Be like Jesus. Don’t be a dirty idiot.
I am currently $2767 short of my final funding deadline! Help a brother out! I dont want to go home! Love you all!
