Ok readers, everyone sit in a circle criss-cross applesauce, because we are about to share some feelings up in here. It’s about to get all sorts of emotional. Lets start off with talking about how emotionally closed off I am. Yeah, that seems like a fun place to start. I don’t love feeling feelings. What guy does? Outside of crying when I watch videos of dogs getting reunited with soldiers, I don’t express a ton of emotion. My face always does, I can’t hide that, but I personally don’t express it. Burying any negative emotions deep down and then lashing out at people later has been my go-to. That’s how a man does it! Unless, ya know, you’re somebody that wants to be like Jesus.
In the first couple of days of training camp, this realization hit me hard. Pretty much on day one, God said, “Ok, lets break you down, so I can build you back up”. Unfortunately for me, God is a man of his word. Over the next two weeks, that’s what he did. God slowed down my life enough to help me see my flaws. I don’t always treat people very well. I often dwell in a place of arrogance and entitlement. I am definitely not patient. I rarely know how to love or forgive people. I hold grudges and gossip. Wow, I sound like the worst. Luckily the blog post doesn’t end there.
God didn’t just flood me with these realizations and then leave me hanging. Over the next few days, I got to work on me. I was surrounded with these amazing people that are on my squad who I could learn from. Keep in mind; I am one of the oldest people on my squad. Yet, I learned more about love and compassion from these folks than I could have ever dreamed about. I was drowning in the embodiment of God’s church. And it…was…AWESOME!
Having been previously put in leadership positions my whole life, it was great seeing what Godly leaders look like, and how I had fallen short. Having been previously consumed with finding “The One”, it was fantastic seeing what having sisters in Christ looked liked without any romantic implications. The fact that everyone smelled like port-a-potty, also helped. Thanks God!
As a police officer, I tend to see the worst of people. I had simply forgotten how amazing people could be. People have so much love within them. Unlike at work, at training camp, I didn’t have to analyze people right off the bat for my safety. I didn’t have to wonder if these people were going to physically hurt me. I had forgotten that that there is safety amongst friends. God forced me to drop my guard for the first time in years. He forced me to rely on his strength and not my own. I am such a drastically better person after having opened my arms to these people and seeing what Jesus was actually talking about. There is so much freedom in it. I am still working on these things of course. God has not fixed me over night. I have to put in the work. Luckily I have a year with my new family, and an eternity with Christ. I am still a work in progress but right now, I am happy, and healthy, and striving to be a better representation of my king.
Now if you could all excuse me, I have to go watch “The Notebook”, and have a good cry.
Part 3 of this blog post will be posted tomorrow, 11/11/2016
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