“It is fear that keeps a man at home where things are neat and orderly and under his control.” –Wild at Heart by John Eldredge
While back home in the US I had control of my life. I kept things “neat and orderly,” just the way that I preferred and which worked for me. But it was all an illusion that I had created for myself; I was never in control of my life as I thought I was.
If you asked me if I thought I was in control of my life I would have said I wasn’t. But let’s be real here, that was a lie that I had convinced myself was truth. It’s the Christianese answer all good Christians are supposed to say right? Psh! Wrong! It’s high time that we Christians drop the façade and start being real with one another, it brings the freedom and the healing that people truly desire, but are looking in all the wrong places for. But I digress as that is a whole other matter.
When I thought I was in control I was really spinning out of control. Everything looked okay from the outside and I had blindly deceived myself into thinking that everything actually was okay. Then storms would come and life would suddenly get hard and, oh dear, I wasn’t in control of the situation.
I have always loved nature, the wild. So it’s no wonder that in these moments when my world of control was falling apart I would retreat to nature. A short drive from my house was a place called Alum Rock Park, a small valley cut into the foot hills with a creek running through the middle. I have spent many hours over the years hiking through the trails in the park or just sitting on a rock off the path listening the water allowing the thoughts in my mind to be silenced, creating the space for God to enter into the picture.
There is just something about the wild with the mountains, the trees, the animals, the water, the dirt even that helps me clear my mind and refocus on God. I can feel God’s presence and he can get through to me. Yeah, you know what I’m talking about. And, I could be wrong here, but I’m going to go out on a limb and say that I think it’s more than just those with the inclination towards the naturalist spiritual instinct. I believe we all get that feeling to an extent when in the midst nature; pure and unadulterated and wild.
It’s for good reason that Eldredge refers to nature as “the wild,” that’s exactly what it is, wild. In the wild I have no control; there is no illusion or mistaking it. I cannot make it rain or make a tree grow or create fresh water or tell animals to do as I please; a bear in attack mode is not going to listen to me, even if I ask politely. It is all God ordained and controlled. My lack of control over this world and God’s full control over this world is most apparent in the wild.
The wild – I am happy in the wild.
The wild – I experience God in the wild.
The wild – God alone controls the wild.
Can it be any more apparent? I am happiest when God is in control and I surrender my attempts to take control. This is why the wild has been and will always be so attractive to me and a place of peace for me.
Just the other day a few friends and I hiked up a small mountain in Swaziland. Once we made it to the top, we climbed onto a rock to for the best possible view. After we all turned around and had a look at the scenery with its green landscape and waterfalls and a sky that looked like a water color painting, there was no question that God was there. Looking at his unadulterated creation we felt his peace and presence. And it hit me, it’s really not wild at all, it’s a beautiful harmony.
It’s time that I surrender my striving for control and live in this same beautiful harmony that the wild is.
