“I am not sure that following Jesus is always a matter of leaving everything behind. That is what it meant for Andrew and Simon and James and John; that is what following meant in their particular lives. But if the story is about being swept into the flow of Gods will and giving ourselves over to it, then it seems to me that it will be a different story for every one of us in our own particular lives.
Sometimes following may mean staying at home. It may mean letting the hired servants go and taking care of Zebedee when he gets too old to fish. Sometimes following may mean casting the same old nets in a new way, or for new reasons. It may mean doing something different with the fish you catch, or spending the money they bring at market in a different way. It may mean reorganizing the whole fishing business so that the drifters down at the pier have work to do, and so that everyone who works receives a decent wage. It may mean doing less every day, not more, so that there is time to watch how the light changes on the water, and how the happy fish leap out of dusk, happy to have outsmarted you one more time.
The possibilities for following seem endless to me. Sometimes they will be big, no doubt about it, and sometimes they will be too small to mention, but it would be a mistake, I think, to focus too hard on our own parts in the miracle of discipleship. The God who call us can be counted on to create us as a people who are able to follow. Whenever and however our will spill in to the will of God, time is fulfilled – immediately! – and the kingdom is at hand.” -Barbara Brown Taylor
This is an excerpt from what I read during a devotional time recently. I’ve taken a few days to reread and ponder over it. There is a lot of truth in these paragraphs. This past year on the World Race is one of the BIG things that God can call us to follow Him on. Easily the biggest thing that He has called me to yet in my life.
I’ve had the opportunity to participate in a wide variety of ministries. To find out what I work really well in and where I really struggle to get my footing. To develop ideas for what ministry in my life could look like in the future. To have my heart broken for specific people in specific ways.
As the time to go home has been nearing people have started to ask the common question of “what are you going to do when you get home?” Often, this is a question that can bring on a state of panic for me. I don’t do well when I don’t know whats next for me. I need to have something to tell people. Something lined up even if it doesn’t necessarily start right away.
However, one of the first things they drilled into our minds at training camp was living a life with open hands. To take our clenched fists that our holding tight to the different things in our lives and open them up and give the things we are holding tightly over to God. The concept may seem like an easy one but believe me it’s been anything but easy.
I can easily say that I left for this race with clenched fists, with an “I can do it all.” attitude. But the Lord has broken me of that through different circumstances during the race. Two weeks in he broke my pride when I had surgery and had to depend on this group of strangers I didn’t know for everything. He used a man with a gun in Nicaragua to begin the healing process in my attitude towards men though it took many more months and is still an ongoing process for me.
My “I can do it alone” had quickly resurfaced by the end of Nicaragua. As debrief approached and I was going to be with the whole squad I didn’t want to be “the girl that had surgery,” I didn’t want people asking me how I was and wanting me to relive it over and over again. So I tried to shut myself away. I ended up in the hospital again and this squad that I was so unwilling to let in took shifts as teams praying for me through the night. How could I ignore that?
In the realization that I need in your face realities to get through my thick wall the Lord has orchestrated this entire year to bring healing and growth in my life to bring even closer to Himself. To learn to follow Him more than I have ever been willing to.
So now when people ask me what I’m going to do when I get home its not an area of stress. I have no plans and it’s ok. I’m going to hang out with my Mom and Dad, love on some friends, and sit with open hands for the Lord to open my next door. Of course, I have ideas and dreams. I still have a huge heart for Young Life and would love to intern or be on property staff if thats what I’m supposed to do. But my hands are open, and I’m giving over that dream because I know that whatever the Lord has in store for me is better than anything I could ever dream of.
