Go fast enough to get there, but slow enough to see
As long as I can remember I have struggled with this fear of being out of shape or just simply overweight and many of you who know me can say that I have never been overweight but can agree that you have seen me be active. I have always loved being active, I love hiking, climbing, biking, and now I think I have come to grips with the fact that I love running. I can easily say that I have always hated running.
So… why do I run? Well while I was running funny enough I started to think about this question… why do I run and when did it start to become something that I actually enjoyed and wanted to do more of. I started running when I was in my freshman year of college, I hated the whole idea of gaining the freshman 15 and I was determined that I would not be one to suffer; I would be one to be healthy. I hated the idea of getting fat so much that I would force myself to run once or twice a week and after a while I started running 5 days a week or more. I later went on to run in a few races and even ran a 10K. I liked the accomplishment and the feeling that came with running. It’s interesting how being on this race for going on 6 months how much I haven’t been able to run, for safety reasons mostly; and how much I realized I hated not being able to run.
If I am being honest, I can say the same thing about making time for the Lord. The same hesitating and dragging feeling that I get before a run I have when I get up an hour early to read my bible. When I wake up I don’t want to think about reading or pray I just want to go back to bed. I want to feel the Lord and do his work. The idea of not being close to him scares me, and at the end of my time I know that I will feel more accomplished. I have never read my bible all the way through, and at times I run away from it. Even though I know that at the end of my prayer and reading I will feel better, there are times that I still really don’t want to. But just like running, the idea of running away from the Lord and into the darkness scares me more.
They say it takes 21 days to form a new habit, and I can easily say that running has become a habit that I enjoy. I want that to be the same as my time with the Lord. I’ve had the blessing of working at PenHOP, which gave me hours of spending hours just worshiping, praying, or reading my bible. I still need to work on it, but I love the feeling I get when I spend time with the Lord. I always feel calm and have a better sense of understanding and focus. I know that I love walking with the Lord, just getting to talk to him, and reading my bible is going to grow me close to Him. I have to stop running away, and remember that in the end it will be worth it. I must push through the hard times in order to grow closer to Him.
